I have a huge, mega phobia about anything to do with hospitals. I have surprised myself by having surgery, 30 goes of chemo and a port a cath fitted. The surgery worked, none of the chemos (4 different drugs) worked so my stage 4 cancer is progressing. My port a cath didn't work either so I have depended on one little vein which has now given up. After a traumatic digging around I couldn't have my treatment last week so they tried to put a PICC line in but I was so terrified I couldn't stop shaking so they didn't do it but just made a big black briuse to match the other arm. I tried treatment again today but no good, just replaced the fading bruise with a big purple lump.
Now they are suggesting that I have a general anasthetic, remove the port and put in a Picc. Trouble is I found having the GA so traumatic before, the anesthetist was horrible and the surgeon had a row with him and apologised to me for his behaviour but it still feels bad.
I have tried very hard over the last 2 and half years coping with stage 4 cancer (bowel with liver and lung mets), coping with my absolute terror so my quality of life has been eroded somewhat. I find myself wondering whether it is worth putting myself thru any more treatment which is only palliative (should it work). Trouble is it is hard to give up on your liife.
Thanks for reading, any sympathy gratefully received.
Love to all you brave people out there Jen XX
