My mother passed away on wednesday... It was the worst thing that could have happened.
I remember when i was standing in the front of the see in a small village in Norway, watching to the see and thinking i will never survive from this. That was when i heard my mom was seriously ill, but wasnt sure yet what it was. The past 3-4 weeks has been hell. I have never cried so much in my entire life than during those weeks. I had never been so scared, never so miserable.
I was thinking how much pain my mom have, is she scared, what does she think. I was there with her 24/7, watching her. I knew she was going to die, i was scared of it and what will happen when she dies, and when will she actually die.
When she was dying and took her last breath, i was there with my dad. Wishing her good bye til we see again. And stroking her cheeck. I cried so much. I felt so lost.
Now after few days, im thinking is there soemthing wrong with me, bc i dont feel any worse than i did during those weeks when she was still alive. In fact i feel kind of relieved, now shes gone, no more pain, no more suffering. Only sadness is there.
So im just asking if its normal to feel this way or is there soemthing wrong with me?? My mom was so close to me, always there for me, she loved me so much and i loved her so much. She was also my best friend. She supported and understood me no matter what. And now shes gone, and im sad and broken. But im wondering should i feel even worse? I dont want to think of tomorrow or next week or next month. I only think this moment and not forward.
The point was, i feel sad and terrible and miserable. But im stronger than i thought.. Wondering if its normal or not :(? This all might sound stupid.. but im kinda lost with my feelings. My mood goes up and down, other time im feeling ok, then im crying and so on. So is it normal, or should i be sad all the time, unable to do anything?
Hope there is someone who understands what i mean.. :((
