almost 3 weeks since mom died.. feeling lonely and lost.
2 minute read time.
FormerMember
Tomorrow it will be only 3 weeks since my mom passed away. 2 months ago, everything was normal.. Our life was perfectly normal... I cant belive how can life change to fast? I talked a lot with my mom. But now afterwards, i feel like i didnt have time to say anything?? And that i would have so much to tell her still. Hmm but i think its normal? I wanna discuss with her about her illness and everything it occured. I wanna tell her now beautiful funeral she did. I wanna tell her how things are here with me and my dad. But i cant do any of this. I just have to hope that she knows it and shes watching down on us. Thinking this way used to be a big help. But some days ago i realised that im hoping and wishing to see and meet her again soon, so i am actually waiting to die myself and find out what has happened to her after she died. And if there is a place called "heaven" for real.. But then again, i still didnt want to die ofc not, i still have my whole life in the front of me. But im dying to know what happened to her... Does any one understand what i mean?
And some nights ago i had a dream. A nightmare... or not.. i cant really decide. I dreamed about that i heard on tv an extra news. Scientist have found a medicine to cure all the possible cancers in a day and the medicine was sent to all hospitals worldwide. (yea, sounds silly, i know). And it was a day after my mom died. I was so, so so so so mad at them, why did they have to find out the medicine right a day after my mom died bc of a cancer. Anyway.. on the other hand it would be so lovely to have a med to cure cancers. But i cant admit about being selfish or what so ever, but i would be terrible bitter about the fact they found the medicine after i already lost my mom.
Hmm.. i feel so lonely and lost.. My 16 y/o cousin moved in with me and my dad. Bc he goes to school over here. And he was supposed to move in with my parents. But since my mom died, he didnt move in right away ofc. But now on Sunday he did. I thought it would be a good thing. And on the other hand it is. But on the other hand i feel weird about it. It feels very weird to be with my dad and my cousin. And my mom is missing.. Phew.. I feel so lost.
Sending you all lots of love.
Summer.
FormerMember
Summer
I can totally understand all that u say - i too feel lost lonely and so quiet - dont really want to communicate with anyone - i cant be bothered
Of course u do all the day to day things - on autopilot - but dont really want to be bothered with anything or anybody
OF COURSE you are missing your mum, it's only 3 weeks since her funeral.
My dad died when I was in my thirties - it was from a heart attack, with no warning, so very sudden and he was away from home. So we had no chance to say goodbye. I can remember thinking that I saw him in the street afterwards. And I still occasionally dream of him, many years later. All that first year after he died I was mourning him and I was sad and things didn't feel right. But gradually it gets better.
Talk to friends. Be good to yourself. Choose life, because (speaking as a mum, now) that is what your mother would have wanted you to do. You are who you are because you are your mother's daughter and nothing can ever change that.
How you are feeling will change and the pain will ease, but it is early days and you must not expect too much of yourself at this point.
Stay strong remember she is never really gone, just because we cant see or touch something dosent mean it's not really there right? You will always miss your Mum and the pain might not ever go away, but it will get better, When my Mum's Mum died of cancer i'd never seen her so devastated, but the things that keep her going is noing that somewhere and someday she will be with her again, nattering away and having a giggle by the teley, I know this probably dosent help much but i hope u find something that does
i agree with all that everyone has said . it has been 3 almost 4 weeks for me . i have been thr the not believing its happened phase , and the auto pilot numb stage . now i wonder if its the start of an acceptance stage .i have spent a lot of time in bed asleep in the day and awake by night , as mum used to ring me thr the night , i couldnt switch off i was still on guard . now today i was in my garage (i hired a skip ) sorting out 15yrs worth of junk , the phone rung and i thought "i bet thats mum".then my heart sank as i realised it couldnt be her . i think its the brain playing tricks (like your dream) but its the brains way of making us get used to the next phase .
i know our mums would want us to be strong and get on and live our lives , as they GAVE us life and we owe it to them to live it and make them proud !
see thats the stronger me talking , the other me is still a mess , but i'm trying !!
