Well it's a new year and time to think of new beginnings and of moving onwards. I have no idea of what the future will bring for me. I don't know how long more I will be around. Will I see another year in, the one after that... I don't know. The little blighter is still here and I have fingers crossed the tamoxifen will work at holding it at bay for a while. But whilst the little blighter can gnaw away at my body, I will not allow it to gnaw away at my psyche. In the end it might defeat my body, but never my spirit.
I am lucky in that I still work and during work time I am able to banish the thought of the little blighter to some far off dark corner of my mind, but out of work... well it creeps back in and enters centre stage. Every little ache , every little pain sets alarm bells ringing....
I look to the future and see an ending and the ending itself does not bother me. I have no belief in an afterlife and know that after the final breath that will be it and , whilst not for a lot of people, for me I can get comfort from that. I do not fear death, what I do fear is dying and the pain that is somewhere out there waiting.
But that is in the future, how far in the future I do not know, but to hell with it, life is for the living and I intend to get on with the living, to enjoy each day, to marvel at the wonder in the world.
Take care all,
Kathxx
