ok so i have been at home this week after chemo and feeling really rubbish and praying i dont get infection being on the last bit of the first stage as i have been lucky so far (fingers crossed). I have been thinking about the old philosophical (sorry cant spell either at moment) saying "out of chaos comes order", i think it goes, but chemo brain has made me forget who said it. Well i know we all rant and scream on here we want our lives back but i have been thinking do i really want my old one back?? After a few days being stuck in the bed, and trying to exercise the brain into thinking straight i decided no, i dont. having cancer does change you, your attitudes towards things and people, your way of life, points of view etc and no i dont want my old life back and therefore turning the chaos, being the cancer, into a positive, meaning i do want to change my way of life, and what better time than now.
So, i have decided, after having stressful jobs for years and stressful relationships, that this is a no go area for me from now on in. I like my new job its working with corporate art in the city of london, just being an admin assistant is stressless and fun, i dont have a relationship and neither do i want one anymore i am happy alone. Also, i have decided that,as last year my photographic work began to sell, I am going to take it up again and get to work as soon as surgery is over and done with. As the worlds best "drifter" i do tend to drift into stuff, get on pretty well with it then move along to something else. I am the typical Jill of all trades and master of none. So now i am going to concentrate on my photographic work, i am going to try and do well in this instead of drifting in it and get the dust of the camera once this toxic waste is out of my body and i can think straight again.
Hopefully i will stick to the benefit of my own advice, or maybe its just the chemo talking lol. I will let you know.
thanks for reading these chemo induced ramblings xxxxxxx love to all xxxxxxxxx
FormerMember
Hi there,
Yes, I don't think any of us come out of the other side of the cancer experience without having had our perspective on life thoroughly challenged. You seem to have a clear notion of what's important to you, so stick with your new philosophy. First instincts when presented with life-changing events such as cancer are often the right ones. It's only when we try to analyse events in detail that we confuse ourselves ... so speaks a confused person! So, enjoy the 'new' you.
