ok so i have been at home this week after chemo and feeling really rubbish and praying i dont get infection being on the last bit of the first stage as i have been lucky so far (fingers crossed). I have been thinking about the old philosophical (sorry cant spell either at moment) saying "out of chaos comes order", i think it goes, but chemo brain has made me forget who said it. Well i know we all rant and scream on here we want our lives back but i have been thinking do i really want my old one back?? After a few days being stuck in the bed, and trying to exercise the brain into thinking straight i decided no, i dont. having cancer does change you, your attitudes towards things and people, your way of life, points of view etc and no i dont want my old life back and therefore turning the chaos, being the cancer, into a positive, meaning i do want to change my way of life, and what better time than now.
So, i have decided, after having stressful jobs for years and stressful relationships, that this is a no go area for me from now on in. I like my new job its working with corporate art in the city of london, just being an admin assistant is stressless and fun, i dont have a relationship and neither do i want one anymore i am happy alone. Also, i have decided that,as last year my photographic work began to sell, I am going to take it up again and get to work as soon as surgery is over and done with. As the worlds best "drifter" i do tend to drift into stuff, get on pretty well with it then move along to something else. I am the typical Jill of all trades and master of none. So now i am going to concentrate on my photographic work, i am going to try and do well in this instead of drifting in it and get the dust of the camera once this toxic waste is out of my body and i can think straight again.
Hopefully i will stick to the benefit of my own advice, or maybe its just the chemo talking lol. I will let you know.
thanks for reading these chemo induced ramblings xxxxxxx love to all xxxxxxxxx
FormerMember
Janis,
I am so utterly impressed! In all the reading I have done (I'm a caregiver) you are exactly on the track that I have found people have traveled toward in their cancer journey. Many say cancer changed their life for the better, if you can even imagine such a thing, but I totally understand the sentiment after reading their stories and now yours. YOU GO GIRL! - Lori
thanks hun lots of hugs to you and your husband there is little rock, the whole deal sounds amazing i was so impressed to read about it on your mail out.
I can understand, by looking at your web site, your positive attitude in keeping your husband up and bright and positive, it is the way to go, i am on it.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your spelling. We all do a typo every now and then.
I think it is a good idea for you to start to plan what you are going to do afterwards. Except that I have been doing photographs all along. You could be getting your eye in and getting ideas for your officially creative work. We all have chemo brain for a while, but honestly, it is nowhere as bad as mother brain. Occasionally one becomes a little absent minded when pregnant, for much the same reason - biological stress.
You can do a lot of preparation work at this time, as long as you take plenty of rest in between.
"mother brain" ha ha yes i remember that one you are right!! I was asked to do a photo shoot a couple of months ago but i just got scared and turned it down for fear of messing it up. I suppose its all in the process of confidence losing whilst going through chemo - but i have a craft fayre to do before christmas which will be a good introduction and last year was a good money maker so am getting myself up, dusting myself off and starting all over again. oh and resting in between. Thank you for your advice xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
