Hi there
No offence to the Blondes out there...(I am a bottle blonde)
A Blonde's Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....
Helllloooo!!!.........bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said '2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions...8 cups of
water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in a rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it ?
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911 . 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
FormerMember
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
A guy went to work and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of his co-workers (she's blonde ... it'll be important later) came in and asked him what he was doing.
"Shh," he said, " I'm a light bulb -- I'm acting crazy to get a few days off, as there is an out of town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday."
A minute later the boss walked by and asked him what he was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" the guy exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you are less stressed."
With that, the guy jumped down and started walking out.
The co-worker started following him and the boss asked where she was going.
Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
You know, he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "what would you like to discuss?"
"oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"ok," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea!"
"So tell me, says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?
Hi Jacqui so glad to hear from NZ and share the funnies. I bet your weather's better than here in old wintry London town, or is it raining where you are too? Keep 'em coming, with love kate xxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Shelley and Laurence - you are PRICELESS! Totally, I mean that - thanks for giving me MORE laugh out loud moments on a grey and miserable London day. If they ever bottle you, let me know what name you will be under lol lots of love kate xxxxxxxxxx
