Hi there
No offence to the Blondes out there...(I am a bottle blonde)
A Blonde's Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....
Helllloooo!!!.........bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said '2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions...8 cups of
water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in a rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it ?
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911 . 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
FormerMember
A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem,
> as he was unable to get his manhood erect.
>
> The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the
> base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there
> was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an
> experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the
> risk.
>
> The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephants
> trunk into his 'old fella'.
>
> The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go
> through
> life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance
> that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go
> for
> it.
>
> A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and
> try out his newly renovated equipment.
>
> As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took
> her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he
> felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being
> extremely painful.. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his
> knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll
> and returned to his trousers.
>
> His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her
> face
> said, 'That was incredible! can you do that again?'
>
> With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if
Thanks for the comments, loved the other funnies as well, they all made me laugh.
Jacqui
P.S. The weather here has been brilliant, though a bit of rain and a bit cooler but we needed the rain as it is very dry. Hope the weather stays nice for when I am on holiday.
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
A blond went into PC World for some curtains. As she couldn't find any she asked an assistant who advised her to try the shop down the road.
Not put off the blond tried again and said that she needed the curtains for her PC, the astounded assistant looked at her and asked why she wanted curtains for her computer to which the blond repled - "duh! I've got Windows!"
