my dad is dying and my best friend won't speak

Hi There,

Going back to the point that your friend felt able to give support for her neighbour but is struggling to do the same for you. I should imagine that it is a lot easier to give support if you are more detached from the person going through it, this may be why she is finding it harder. She has more love for you and can relate more readily to how you are feeling and may fear that if she shows how sad she is feeling for you it might make you feel worse. That was quite a mouthful but I hope it made some sense.

It does suck, after my Stepfather passed away when I was a kid there were a few people who were so afraid that they would say the wrong thing that they would cross the road rather than pass us on the street. It's hard and it feels like they don't care but that's not usually the case. Unless you've been there it is impossible to imagine the enormity of it all and no one wants to say the 'wrong thing'.

Hoping your friend gets it together soon.

Hayley xxx

thanks hayley, i hope she does get it together cos i don't need her to give me advice, i just need her to listen so i can have a wee rant sometimes :)

it's amazing how much that can help, just to get things off your chest.

i think this site will be able to help a bit with that.

thanks

Izzy xx

i'm sorry to hear your friend isan't keeping in contact with you in your time of need. i've had the same problem it hurts doesn't it, i guess they don't know how to handle it. which doesn't help does it. luckerly my treatments finished, i send my regards to you and your father. if you want to talk please feel free to , i don't mind in the least     xjanx

Hi Izzy

Like the others, I too have experienced this.  It really hurts, doesn't it.

It's all right for them, they can make the decision whether they can handle it or not - we're stuck with it, we don't have the luxury of choice.

I have a friend who hadn't been in touch at all since I was diagnosed except for silly emails that she sends to all and I'm on the distribution list.

You'll love this -

I received an email from last week her titled "Cancer" - so I opened it and it was one of those stupid emails, spreading bad luck if you don't forward it to five friends.  

You were supposed to put in you star sign in the heading (that's why cancer, her star sign) and it describes each star sign.  

When I looked at my star sign, it said at the end that if I didn't forward to 5 friends within 24 hours I would have 5 years of bad luck from the next day.  

I know these emails aren't true (I'm not stupid)  But can you believe she did that!  

I replied to her email and said  "Thanks a lot, as if I haven't had enough bad luck already"   (ouch!!)

She phoned!!    I was able to tell her that I feel totally abandoned by my friends - it could have gone very badly, but I felt I had nothing to lose.

She's coming to visit me!!!! I haven't seen who heard from her for over 12 months (the last time I saw her, or heard from her was July last year)

The moral to this story is - phone your friend, tell her how you feel - you have nothing to lose.  Don't be afraid of upsetting her, she is upsetting you and you need her.

Take care of yourself - love to your dad

Jo

wow, i can't believe she did that... i hope that at least it brings the two of you back together.(although you should never have lost her as a friend in the first place)

i hope she apologises to you and realises how much hurt she has caused, and i really hope it all works out between you.

thank you for your kind words..it's good to know i'm not losing my mind and this has happened to others

(((hugs))))

izzy xx