This week has been intense but productive. I’ve had MRI and ultrasound scans and two appointments with my oncologist. Firstly, all is good on the scans. No other lumps on my right side and the cancer on my left side is breaking up but not spread to my lymph nodes. What a score man! I literally couldn’t be more relieved right now. That’s one less thing we need to worry about.
I’ve caused a huge hoo-ha with all the big dogs at the hospital about this BRCA test. So, the oncologist said she needed it done asap and the genetics team have dropped off the face of the earth. I went on Monday for it and waited around for an hour to be sent home without having it. Oncology say it can be done; microbiology say it can’t. Far too much politics going on when I’m getting closer to surgery and need to know the crack. Anyway, I got a letter today from the genealogy department saying my breast surgeon had referred me. I’ll get that added to the admin list while I'm getting g treatment this morning. I’m feeling very torn about the test. Obviously, I don’t want the gene. I don’t want to think about full hysterectomies and to have to have these conversations with my Sister or Mam or think about my 2-year-old niece having to go through all of this shit. However, I do want a double mastectomy. Without the positive gene test or secondary cancer, it’s a massive fight. My anxiety goes through the roof thinking about it. Another thing I’m not in control of. Another decision about my body I can’t make. I don’t want to be any more poorly than I am of course but why do I have to be poorly to stop me having to re live this hell on earth ever again. It’s fucked up. I’m trying not to wind myself up over thing that haven’t happened yet and keep positive that my oncologist and surgeon will just do what I want to end this living nightmare for ever. If everyone reading this could just say a little prayer, I’d be so grateful.
So yesterday was another trip to the oncology ward for my chemo pre assessment before treatment today. They couldn’t see any veins and thank god didn’t try. Straight into my PORT and they left the cannula in ready for today. Now I did have to walk around with tubes and wires hanging out my chest for the day to add to my ‘cancer’ look I’m trying to rock. I also came away with more drugs. Get the in the positive pile. There are some good ones here! We’ve moved onto Oramorph for the bone pain. That should put a stop to that. I’ve also got a 7-day course of anti-fungal tablets for the oral thrush to save my poor tongue from whatever the fuck happened to it last time. I still haven’t got my sickness under control, so we are on the 7th version of that this time. Started steroids yesterday which I’ll take for 10 day this time as well as 2 types of tablets and an IV shot before my chemo today. They tried to give me something to stop me having diarrhoea I told them I wasn’t going anywhere near them. I’ve spent the last 12 weeks constipated to the max with all the crap they are giving me, I’m welcoming another day of easy toilet trips thank you very much.
Well, here I go again. See you on the flip side.
