Take me to my beach

Since all of this cancer malarkey started back in April, my routine has been shot to shit. To most that wouldn’t be so bad but I’m little creature of habit and love my ordered life. I like to know what I’m doing when how, who with and what time. I plan everything down the seconds in my day.

Safe to say, since I found my lump life has not been carried out in an orderly fashion at all. I have felt like I’m waiting for the days to tick by to next appointments to treatments and everything else in between. I’ve also changed physically. I’m 2 stone heavier than I was before my chemotherapy started. What the actual f**k! And red and swollen and of course completely bald. While I’ve been feeling like I have, there was no way on this earth that I could have kept my life as my ‘normal’ I have zero regrets of the days I’ve spent in bed or the copious amounts of chocolate and wine I’ve put away. However, I’m also 100% sure that when I’m not in hospital or feeling like crap, some changes will do me good to feel even better and I felt like this week I was ready for that.

This week I’ve been blessed with an extra ‘I’m feeling human’ week and didn’t want to waste it while I’m not having chemo.

About month ago, I started getting meal prep delivered. I have always been wary about it and how good it is for the cost. I live on my own and can cook fresh meals for like £20 a week (that’s when I do it though, and for the last few months it hasn’t happened). Between treatment, and laziness and the constant need to treat myself, my eating has been wild. I chose a company that does decent calorie amounts and delivers Sunday and Wednesday, three meals and 2 snacks a day Monday to Friday. It works out at 50 quid a week. Not bad costs and all the stress taken away. I’m not looking to go on a crash diet, but just eat sensibly while I can. Decent food has got to make a little difference to how I feel while I’m not poorly with treatments and takes away another thing I need to think about.

Before my diagnosis I also moved a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t enjoy exercise at all, but I dragged myself along and once I did it let amazing. I walked at least 1 hour a day every day and did CrossFit and dance class. I can’t remember the last time I was out on a walk. I just haven’t wanted to. Zero motivation to get up and dressed and leave the house. The fact that I have a limited number of clothes I can fit into these days doesn’t help and I hate the thought of seeing people when I feel like shit. This is also not a good mindset to have. That also needed to change and needed to change this week. I’m not doing any CrossFit classes but once I got out for my first walk again, I loved it and have been out every day. I’m a 4 minute walk to the river and 15 minute walk to the beach. Being stuck in the house poorly and working from home, getting out and breathing in that good sea air is something I love to do. Getting your feet in the North Sea is the best feeling and a good plodge in that icy water has got to be doing my swollen feet the world of good. I’m all over a bit of grounding.

The chemo ward rang on Wednesday and asked me to go for bloods. I had an appointment on Friday, and they confirmed my liver function was back up to a good place and booked me in for my chemo pre assessment on Monday. As long as my bloods remain in a good place I’m in for treatment on Tuesday. 16 weeks and 4 days from start to finish.

Until then, I’ll be at the beach.

Anonymous