It's been a long time coming

1 minute read time.

10 May 2021

10 days my arse! It's been 17 days since the breast clinic. The MDT meetings happen on a Monday. And it was bank holiday Monday so no MDT meeting. Why are y’all taking days off when I’m sat here going out of my mind!

Time has literally gone in slow motion. I’m necking Propranolol like they are going out of fashion. I feel like a zombie. I’m thinking the worst then being very optimistic. I’m having dreams about losing my hair. Do other people have fears of fighting for their life? All I’m bothered about is my bloody hair. If anything, this last 2 weeks has told me is that I’m vain as fuck. I haven’t googled survival rates, or the chances or spread or coming back. I just want to know what my head will look like. Have a word with yourself.

I’ve had to hold back going full on psycho at every person who asked ‘any news’. What did people ring and text me about 4 weeks ago? Have they always asked me that? I have literally only told my close family and 2 friends. Those people know they are in the circle of trust. They know that I’m up to my eyeballs in anxiety medication and pacing my house like some kind of caged bear. Yet ‘any news’ is the only thing they have to say.

I’ve never felt so abandoned these last few weeks. Being told this news then just being sent on my way felt like a punishment. Because I had no information, questions couldn’t be answered.

Anyway. They called today. I’m back to see the consultant tomorrow! Holy crap. Now I’m wishing they hadn’t rang.

Venicelagoon over 3 years ago

Make sure you ask some questions and get answers to your worries, big or small from the Consultant. Take one step at a time. I never liked the word "journey" but it certainly is one. Hair was the most scary thing I leapt on first - exactly the same as you. I rang the Breast Cancer Nurses and left a message with them at Bank Holiday. Answerphone said not to, but I still did !
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
ItsGoneTitsUp over 3 years ago in reply to Venicelagoon

I’m writing a list of things now it’s so hard to k ow what I want to ask when I don’t have the info. Am sure I will be in the phone tomorrow with lots of questions. Have the cancer nurses been good in getting back to you?
- Cancel
- Up +1 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
Venicelagoon over 3 years ago in reply to ItsGoneTitsUp

Very good indeed. I found the Breast Surgeon I have fired off such a lot of information in a short time, some technical which I didn't understand. No time to ask because she'd moved on to next thing. She then passed me over after to chat more informally with the Breast Cancer Nurse in another room. We did have one appt when I felt I hadn't had enough time and felt myself getting stroppy/frustrated. The Nurses don't mind how many questions you ask or if you don't understand. They view it as their job to explain. I mean, how are we supposed to know ? It's a steep learning curve and I think the nurses explain better than looking stuff up on Google because they can look at your notes and relate it to your individual case/cancer/problems.
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
Venicelagoon over 3 years ago

I get exactly what you mean by things all going into slow motion. I felt the same. Horrible. And the alternate feelings of sometimes feeling able to cope and sometimes not. That's normal.
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
GNTplease over 3 years ago

Ask lots of questions, they really don’t mind, get the questions off your mind,

The breast cancer nurses are soooo helpful and knowledgeable, I’ve rung so many times they know my name..... I think they will recognise the number and stop answering soon!

I have the hair panic-I’d say it’s for my teenage daughters benefit but I think I may be a little vain! I am trying a cold cap - worth a go to try to keep some hair

people just don’t know what to say

how’s the list going?

I took a list and the consultant said -oooh good, I like a list of questions
- Cancel
- Up +1 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel