I’ll make a cup of coffee for your head

So it’s been a little while since I’ve been on here to post. There’s been a lot going on in that time and to be honest I feel like it just all got on top of me for a while. Sharing my doom and gloom feelings while I was still feeling so low was not on my list of priorities.

First thing to address from my last post regarding work. That didn’t happen on any level. On the same day as writing this post, I got the worst pain in my right side. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt so much that it was taking my pain away when I tried to take a breath. It lasted over the weekend, and I brought it up with my oncologist on the Monday who tested my liver. By the time the results come back to say all was fine, I was already in A&E with the pain back. They checked my appendix, gallbladder, liver, kidneys and all were fine. Finally, after a chest X-Ray they confirmed I had pneumonia. I had IV antibiotic and was then sent home after bank holiday weekend with more antibiotics to take. The pain didn’t ease so I was necking tramadol 4 times a day. The recommended recovery time for pneumonia is 6 months! I had no idea that it was so drawn out. 4 weeks for any pain to calm down so I settled in for rest and pain relief for the long haul.

I literally also turned into a complete hermit. I could not be arsed to see or speak to anyone. I don’t think my phone knew hit it not being used 24/7. Everyone was getting on my nerves with stupid comments and questions. Random strangers were making me so angry being miserable and annoying. I thought it best to not to be involved with the general public in case I was actually arrested. I shouted and cried in the comfort of my own house for a month instead. I’ve read so much and drank loads of nice coffee. Actually my mates will be so proud to hear I actually finished a book. At least something positive has been achieved as a recluse. Now that I’ve returned to not acting like a strange Charles Dickens' character is really hard to put into words how crap you can actually feel.

Last Friday was my 6 week CT scan appointment. They are coming round far too fast at the moment. The results meeting on Monday was another shitty appointment. I’m going to stop attending them to stop getting the crap outcome. So the pain in my side is because my cancer is now in my lung. It’s grown in my lymph nodes in my neck on the left side, spread across by breastbone and got bigger my liver too. Smashing. Honestly couldn’t get any shittier could it.

Since Monday, it's been hospital every day for bloods and assessments ready to start my new treatment tomorrow. I’ve been prepared with laxatives, anti sickness and morphine. It’s not sounding like a smooth ride. This is the last treatment the NHS can offer. Then am really up shit creek without a paddle.

Send Help.

Anonymous
  • So sorry to read this, absolute cr*p news

  • There are no words when the curve balls keep coming and you feel so rubbish on top of it all. Really want to send love and a hug to you, but don't want to hurt your aching body. Its OK to share and vent on here - as a group we understand and want to support you. We don't always have the right words, but we stand with you. 

  • Good grief, I'm not surprised that you decided to shut the door on the world for a while, what an absolute nightmare. I really hope that the pain is starting to recede and well done for even emerging from hermit land, pity it was just to get punched again! My mum had cancer that spread and also headed for trials and best last chance treatments. Sometimes they work, so I have everything crossed that this one will give your cancer cells an absolute kicking.  Sending love and hugs and hesitate to get in touch if you want to let off steam.. 

  • That should have read, Don't hesitate to get in touch, honestly sometimes my typing really doesn't help!

  • I just so wish I could send help..I have read your incredible blog posts, I have laughed at your humour, applauded your honesty, admired your fortitude and am now crying at this latest crap news....you have touched more lives than you can know..mine is one of them. Love and hugs xxxxxx