Hanging on the telephone

18 minutes before my chemo appointment was due to start yesterday, I had a phone call from my oncologist to say it had been cancelled. Again. I was only there on Monday morning for my pre assessment and while I was there asked really nicely if there were any issues, could I know before tomorrow. Guess not. Last minute phone calls again.

All of my bloods came back normal, but they had discussed my case in the MDT meeting on Monday and after reviewing my last MRI scan, I was told my chemo treatment wasn’t working and my caner had got bigger. Because of this, there was no point in continuing and I would have my surgery the week commencing 4th October.

This is a lot to take in. I’m not sure how I feel. After another anti-climax of getting geared up for chemo and it being cancelled, I’ve now got so many unanswered questions about surgery and what will be happening there. In the last 24 hours I’ve been booked in for a CT scan on Friday and have my consultation with my breast surgeon on Wednesday. This is going to be another long week of waiting. At least my appointments are now booked and all I’m waiting for is my actual surgery date. She attends MDT on a Monday and her clinic on a Wednesday so I’m narrowing it down to the 5th, 7th or 8th October. I can’t do any more guessing or analysing or narrowing down time frames than that.

I’ve done all the research I possibly can on my cancer and the best options for myself. The rate of the chances of my cancer coming back and survival rates. As brutal as it seems to other people, those other people aren’t facing this head on. Realistic is the only way forward in this scenario or wrong decisions can be made. I hope I don’t have to have a fight on my hands and she just agrees with my choices. The consultant who I’ll be seeing is not the same one that I’ve had since my diagnosis. Again, I’m guessing that this has to do with the tight time frames. I found the NHS recommendations online and they have an SLA of 6 weeks from last chemo session to surgery. I’ll be in on the 6th week. I’ve googled the shit out of her though and there is nothing but great reviews. I also met her briefly yesterday by chance at the chemo ward and she seemed canny enough.

In the last 24 hours I haven’t been able to calm down my brain. My body is on overdrive. Not helped by the fact I took 2 days of steroids in preparation for my chemo so haven’t had much sleep. I hope I can bring things into focus and sit back for the next few days. I had forgotten how torturous the waiting is. Sitting in the house all night isn’t going to help any so a girl’s night is sorted for some food and drinks after work. No more hanging on the telephone this week. I need a lychee gin fizz and a Pad Thai asap.

Anonymous