And then I fall to pieces

I’ve climbed the ladder in the cancer world very quickly. I have Stage 4 cancer. Metastatic breast cancer. The cancer has come back in the scar tissue of my mastectomy and spread to my bones and liver.

My treatment plan remains pretty much the same. I’m on the best dose of Capecitabine I can be, and they are adding in the Denosumab injections every 6 weeks to prevent my bones from breaking. Tests were done on my tutor that was removed and immunotherapy treatments won’t help so they are crossed off the list. I’ve got another scan in 4 weeks’ time to see if the Capecitabine is keeping everything at bay. I need to get out of my head and think positive thoughts for this to be working and continue to work for a very long time. If the Capecitabine stops working I have one more option of IV chemo but then that’s it. I really don’t want to get to that stage just yet please!

My Oncologist has referred me to the cancer clinical trials and research team at the hospital. Hopefully there they can find something that will keep this bastard from growing and spreading anywhere else. They can test what the hell thy want on me as long as they keep me alive.

I know after all of the above, my lopsided chest is probably the least of my worries, but I asked if I could go ahead asap and get this other tit removed. She was all for it and said she would contact my surgeon and arrange for it to be done on my chemo off week, so my treatment wasn’t disturbed. Fucking score. And I got this result with no screaming or shouting at my poor doctor so win win all round.

Just to add to all of the information I needed to take in yesterday, While I was at the chemo ward, the people from the Genetics team called. No genetic mutations. Result. I mean it made absolutely no difference to me really if it was or wasn’t at this stage, but I feel better that my family now don’t need to be dragged into this shit show of test and results and waiting for information.

I’ve also been referred to a psychologist at the chemo ward for some sessions. I wasn’t sure that that was needed yesterday but today I’ve done nowt but cry. And not even at anything cancer related. It started this morning when I thought I didn’t have any milk, but it was just in a different part of the fridge and continued from there. I’m now sufficiently puffy and red with a banging headache so maybe I do need to channel my emotions proactively and maybe help me take all this shit in properly.

To deal with yesterday, I’m off to Tenerife in March.  I’m going to pack up my chemo and take a week out of life. Read books, lie in the sun and get pissed at breakfast time.

Anonymous
  • i am really, really sorry to read that things have got so much more difficult for you. I am sending you positive thoughts. xxx

  • Sending you much love and gentle hugs, crap news for you, so glad you're going on holiday - I don't blame you. Drink Cava with your breakfast and fu*k cancer xxxx

  • Afternoon - well, blimey, that was an intense day, no wonder you are feeling completely battered today! So - positive - excellent that not genetic, so no-one else is going to get sucked in. Also excellent that your onco 'got' your lopsided concerns - all that matters is you and if levelling up will help then onward at speed! Diagnosis - no beating round bush - crap news. However, Capecitabine on the go, so fingers crossed it will be beating the heck out of the cancer and holding it well in check. I always picture the chemo as going armed with big clubs and hunting down the mutant cells - but that's probably just me Grinning Psychologist referral, great, an unbiased person who will 'get you' and be able to offer support - sounds good. Clinical trial referral also good - I'm doing one for impact of chemo on heart - bet you will find them a good bunch, mine certainly are, and they will have access to all the shiny new in development stuff that could help. Finally - Tenerife - excellent - it should be nice and warm, which will make a change of here! Sending big hugs, Nmbn.

  • Oh shit, so so sorry and that just seems like a really useless thing to say.   Thinking of you and truly hoping the chemo works as it needs to xxx

  • So glad your going on holiday something else to focus on.  I have had my 6 months of chemo, double mastectomy and now have to have radiotherapy.  Have decided to take off all of July not making any appointments and am going to recline on that sunbed for a month !  Before that I hope to get to Spain to see my grandchildren who I haven’t been able to see for nearly 2 years. Stay positive sun,sea and sangria on its way x