Not such a hard day today, don't know why, maybe I ran out of tears after yesterday. But in the spirit of it being a better day today's list of the things that make me angry are not so intense - more of the sad/angry.
Hair - How many years did I get my hair done at home because I didn't like my hair and couldn't see the point in spending a lot of money. You persuaded me to go to a salon, but even then it always just looked a mess the day after. I will never forget the day that you said "Why don't you get it styled instead of just cut" I thought Cristina was going to pee her pants laughing!! Well darling, Cristina's sister does it now, and even I like it and even I can make it look respectable - I wish you could see it.
Birthdays - You were USELESS at birthdays hun. Buying a card in the evening of my birthday, coming to Asda the night before so that you could buy a bottle of Baileys. I know you didn't mean it, it was just you. Christmas you were great at, it was just birthdays. But I remember 2007, you were almost bedridden and still recovering from your op but you got your daughter to buy a card and you wrote the most beautiful things in it - we both cried.
Move on a year and we were back to normal weren't we darling - you hadn't quite got round to getting a card or pressie, and I know that it was your own guilt that made you get a bit moody as the day went on. But what I really, really regret is that I tried to make you feel guilty by handing you the card from the previous year and suggesting that you read it. I wish I hadn't done that, I'll never have you here for another birthday and it really didn't matter one little bit. In the two years you were ill it was the only day that we were moody with each other and I wish it hadn't happened. I'm sorry.
I miss your style, your wit, your friendship and your love. Yours always Judi xx
