When we live with the consequences of cancer I think for sure there is a double-edged sword. On one hand we are given the luxury of time to sort stuff out. I mean, it's not like we have to live with our partners dying a violent death in a road traffic accident or a sudden stroke or heart attack.
Since Glenn died in July 2009 I am actually starting to think we had such a precious time together. I think in a way we might have been very lucky to have notice of what was going to happen to him, and we could and did make the most of that time together.
For a silly example, when Glenn was given 6 months to live (over 4 years ago) I did loads of research for alternate therapies, a lot of them in Australia whereby a diet of raw food and vegetables was recomended to enhance the antioxidant effect of the cancer.
Glenn's response to this treatment was that he would rather "die than eat that shit"
And so we just settled into a life of being together and making the most of the lazy days. We just used to laugh at how idle we were! We used to make plans to do things, then our sister in law would call up and ask what we were doing for the day and the answer would be "Fuck all" ! (apologies for the bad language).
Anyway, fuck all is exactly what we did for the few years he lived! And we loved every minute of it. We could have travelled the world and done some amazing things in that time he had left but do you know what? It turned out there was really no place like home, for both of us. We had a beautiful time together, making the most of things.
I'll do another blog about the things Glenn did do in his time left, later.
But now I don't really get how Glenn died and I can't feel or see or hear him anywhere. I'm not exactly a devout Catholic but I do believe and have always had a faith. Glenn had no particular religious beliefs but supported mine, and was interested in many spiritual religions.
I wish there was some way a light bulb could flicker or I cold have an amazing dream about him, or a white feather could appear in an unusual place - anything really to affirm the closeness we had for 22 years.
In love and light to everyone going through this time,
hilsey
x
