well, i never expected to feel quite so crap whilst having chemo- constantly tired, loss of appetite, change in tastes, alternating between diarrhea and constipation and pain that i can only just keep at bay with tablets. still, at least i only have two more cycle(6weeks) and then i'll be having my radical cystectomy - this is the worst part and what i'm not looking forward to. everyone keeps saying how lucky i was that…
does anyone else with bladder/kidney cancer suffer from leg twitching at night? i'm sure it's related and it stops me from sleeping, it also disturbs my partner with my legs going 19 to the dozen so i end up trying to sleep on the sofa. i usually find that because of the way i lie on the sofa i don't twitch and i end up falling asleep but last night i awoke at 3.30am and my leg just wouldn't give up and kept me awake…
so, found out yesterday that i'm going to have IV chemo, not directly into my bladder as i was originally told. bit of a shock and not looking forward to the side effects, at least i only have 3 cycles over 9 weeks. off to have a 'demistify chemo' meeting at the hospital this evening and lou has agreed to come with me, need to get her involved so she can accept whats happening. once i can get her to accept it then perhaps…
had a frank discussion with Lou, my other half,last night and i don't think she appreciated my brutal honesty. she asked how i was and i suddenly opened up about how crap iwas feeling, how i hated what was happening, what is going to hapen. how everything is affecting me, her and our kids. she started to get a bit arsy with me because she didn't think i knew how it was hurting her and how she was feeling down about it…
the kids are back from nannys today and so i have something to keep me occupied, when they're around i can put all the crap to the back of my mind. still can't accept whats going on and what is going to happen in the future but as there's nothing i can do to change it then eventually i guess i will have to.
