honesty

Less than one minute read time.

FormerMember

15 Aug 2012

had a frank discussion with Lou, my other half,last night and i don't think she appreciated my brutal honesty. she asked how i was and i suddenly opened up about how crap iwas feeling, how i hated what was happening, what is going to hapen. how everything is affecting me, her and our kids. she started to get a bit arsy with me because she didn't think i knew how it was hurting her and how she was feeling down about it as well. i understand how she's feeling but there is nothing anyone can do to stop whats going on, no amount of talking is going ot change anything, it's all still going to happen and it will be forever. think we need to talk more but for now i need to get my first oncology appointment out the way and then maybe pop in and see the mac people at the hospital for some advise on how to handle it all . . . . .

Cruton over 12 years ago

Hi Timbor.Having that discussion and both of you getting all the fears,worries and crap out is a begining.You are right when you said you need to talk more.It is a good idea to talk to the Mac people as there is so much going on in your head and so much to come to terms with.Your other half also needs help and support too and perhaps she could join the carers group here on the site and also talk to the Mac people.There isn't anything anyone can do to stop what's going on but there is help and support to help you both through what is to come.Sending hugs to both you and your other half Cruton x
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

i was really happy on friday night that i finally got Lou to crack, she cried her little heart out and fell asleep in my arms - i was in agony as i had to lie on the side my nephrostomy tube is in but it was worth it just to have her let it all out. i know it's easier for the patient as we have no choice in whats going on, for others around us, especailly partners, its a real struggle as they feel the pain and stress of it all but have a choice. she seems fine now, hopefully its not all being bottled up again, but i do keep checking that she is ok and theres nothing going on that she doesn't understand or wants to talk about.
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Timbor, I'm so glad you had a discussion; it's so important not to try and hide things from each other since that will only end up in both of you treading on eggshells!

You are wrong in saying that partners have a choice. Loving partners are both in this together, and it sounds as though you have a loving partner.

Sending hugs to both of you and lots of good luck for the oncology appointment,

Colin
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

yes i colin, i understand what you are saying that loving partners are in this together but they do still have a choice unless the patient they have absolutely no choise at all. although i know Lou won't leave me she could choose to block it all out and just wait for it all to be sorted and me back to 'normal' (although with a stoma i won't quite be normal)but she has chosen to to be by my side through it all and for that i am grateful.

off to sign consent today and get start date for chemo , which should be next wednesday

tim
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