well, i never expected to feel quite so crap whilst having chemo- constantly tired, loss of appetite, change in tastes, alternating between diarrhea and constipation and pain that i can only just keep at bay with tablets. still, at least i only have two more cycle(6weeks) and then i'll be having my radical cystectomy - this is the worst part and what i'm not looking forward to. everyone keeps saying how lucky i was that they caught my cancer early and that i'm getting treatment to get rid of it and then having an op to eliminate any risk of it coming back. i don't feel particularly lucky - i feel horrible, i don't want a stoma, i don't want a bag attached to my abdomen for the rest of my life - i'm sure my girlfriend will be repulsed by it, i know i would be!! ok, so i'll still be around for her, my children and grandchildren but at what cost - i won't be a man any more, in fact they may as well remove my male appendage - it will serve no purpose!!
maybe one day i will accept it but until then i'm scared, horrified and disgusted by what is going to happen to me and wish i could change my life but unfortunately cancer just takes over ones life, and that of those around you.
Rant over
