Hi all of you,
Well today has been a rollercoaster of emotions.
The nurses are now in agreement that mum is better of here at home...Why? well Gladys (the nurse) told me today that the speed of mums decline has been so quick that they don't think there is any hope for her now and have asked me to prepare myself, my dad and all the family for what is not too far away. Apparently they think because of her refusal to eat, even with what little I can get down her in intervals it will be her heart that will give out sooner rather than later.
I am determined not to let this be the end without me trying everything even if that means tricking her into the dreaded protien desserts, I know they probably wont change much but since she is now not eating blitzed meals full of meat and veg I have to at least give these a go I will of course transfer the contents into a different pot because as weak as she is she will blow a gasket if she knew what I was going to do.
My aunt arrives on Saturday not sure for how long but even a day is something to look forward to.
My feckless s**t of a brother is still finding excuse after excuse for not coming over, his girlfriend had surgery for abdominal adhesions the other week and he feels that her state of health is far more important to be there for ''after all even though she is not dying she still needs him there''. My response 'fine, whatever, if your not coming over don't feel you have to find excuses to justify your decision' . He has this incredible knack of convincing himself that it is us who are being difficult and unreasonable, he even told me he could gleefully slap my aunt for telling him he is being selfish and not just towards mum but myself as well as I could use the support too. This ended up with me sobbing on the phone to him telling him if he doesn't want to come over then don't. What he doesn't get is I didn't say that because 'I'm tired and emotional' as he says, I said it because for his own safety I want him as far away from me as possible because right now I could gleefully rip him to shreds for his lack of compassion for a mother who always supported him. And disrespect for an aunt that gave up two weeks of her life at the beginning of the year to nurse him round the clock for 2 weeks.
So yet again not a very entertaining blog I'm afraid but feel a little better for purging it all.
Thanks for listening hugs and best wishes to all xxx
