Am I wrong to try this????

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

28 Sep 2011

Hi all of you,

Well today has been a rollercoaster of emotions.

The nurses are now in agreement that mum is better of here at home...Why? well Gladys (the nurse) told me today that the speed of mums decline has been so quick that they don't think there is any hope for her now and have asked me to prepare myself, my dad and all the family for what is not too far away. Apparently they think because of her refusal to eat, even with what little I can get down her in intervals it will be her heart that will give out sooner rather than later.

I am determined not to let this be the end without me trying everything even if that means tricking her into the dreaded protien desserts, I know they probably wont change much but since she is now not eating blitzed meals full of meat and veg I have to at least give these a go I will of course transfer the contents into a different pot because as weak as she is she will blow a gasket if she knew what I was going to do.

My aunt arrives on Saturday not sure for how long but even a day is something to look forward to.

My feckless s**t of a brother is still finding excuse after excuse for not coming over, his girlfriend had surgery for abdominal adhesions the other week and he feels that her state of health is far more important to be there for ''after all even though she is not dying she still needs him there''. My response 'fine, whatever, if your not coming over don't feel you have to find excuses to justify your decision' . He has this incredible knack of convincing himself that it is us who are being difficult and unreasonable, he even told me he could gleefully slap my aunt for telling him he is being selfish and not just towards mum but myself as well as I could use the support too. This ended up with me sobbing on the phone to him telling him if he doesn't want to come over then don't. What he doesn't get is I didn't say that because 'I'm tired and emotional' as he says, I said it because for his own safety I want him as far away from me as possible because right now I could gleefully rip him to shreds for his lack of compassion for a mother who always supported him. And disrespect for an aunt that gave up two weeks of her life at the beginning of the year to nurse him round the clock for 2 weeks.

So yet again not a very entertaining blog I'm afraid but feel a little better for purging it all.

Thanks for listening hugs and best wishes to all xxx

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Sorry to hear that you are at this stage, be there for your mum tell her you love her, she will hear you, when the end comes it will be peaceful and you will feel a relief for yourself and for your mum. I know it's very hard to see but be strong. My thoughts are with you. Xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

I am so sorry that you are in such a bad place at the moment and hope with all my heart that your mother is painfree and when the time comes she passes peacefully. As for your brother, yes his behaviour is extremely selfish and unsupportive but he may also be too frightened to face up to losing his mother and uses his partner's health issues as an excuse. This of course does not help you but brothers sometimes, no make that most of the time, take their sisters for granted. Been there, got the T-shirt and starred in the musical so to speak.

I am glad your aunt is coming to give you a little support and hope that your brother will see the error of his ways and visit you all soon. I know he will regret it if he doesn't find the courage to do so.

You are in my prayers,

Chrissie xxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

hello helen

ive sent you a PM helen my love and thoughts are with you , cant believe its happened so fast i hope your mum is comfortable bless her , helen you are a wonderful daughter and you have tried everthing possible for your mum that you could , i wish i could comfort you in person but i am sending you a big HUG XXXXX PM me when you can if you need to do i am here for you xx

as for your brother helen he has to live with what hes doing ,and he will regret it ,he knows whats happening and he should be there he must realise that .

you look after yourself , and take the support from your aunt

as always much love xxxxxxxxx irene
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Helen,

I am so sorry things are happening like they are and so quickly...

Your mum is lucky to have you in her life caring so much for her...and glad you can spend this time caring for her too. Not a lot to say that hasn't been said. So often I read on here about families and the distress they cause eachother.... so sad. Remember we are all here to listen and support so vent away and just really to say......

Sending you a big big Little My hug (cos they are the best)

squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Helen)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Little My xxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Helen,

How lucky your Mum is to have such a loving and caring daughter. I understand your desire to do everything for your Mum to delay the inevitable as long as possible. Many of us have been there and it is born out of the love you have for your Mum.

Carers need support too and I'm glad your aunt is coming, she sounds a lovely sensible woman.

It's a pity about your brother, but as someone said he's probably too frightened. I hope he comes to realise that he also needs to be there, not only to be with your Mum, but also to give you the support you need and deserve.

Look after yourself, you need to be strong for your Mum and take any help that's offered!

I'm sending you a big hug,,

Colin xxx
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