3 years on

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

8 Sep 2011

Well next week I will be three years down the line from diagnosis I am ok physically apart from bone deterioration due to Letrozole but am doing ok back at work and getting on with it .I look on here not as regularly as I did before but periodically.My head is a different matter to the outsisde world all appears to be normal,but I can't shake the constant worry it will return I am thinking of having counselling to help. The last three years have been different to say the least' My son went awol and my marriage is hanging on by a thread, we are going to relate but I am not sure if its helping.I know I have changed and my priorities are different but i am not sure I want to be with the man i married 30 yrs ago the reason i feel compelled to write tonight is that he has just said after we were talking about our relate session "Get over it you have been milking it for long enough" this was because I got upset in the session about my mammogram coming up. He was offended when i said he had no empathy[i said he gave me no emotional support while i was going thru chemo] he is the sort to say just get over it and maybe i am being over sensitive but I just had to get it off my chest[sorry for whingeing}

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hello Horsewoman, congrats on 3years. I too feel I have changed since my br.cancer in 2007. It puts a strain on all relationships when a loved one has cancer and your husband (being the usual type of man) gets angry because he can't solve your problem. That's how men see some things, they can't help it. I bet deep down he is as frightened as you but wants to just get on with it and enjoy as much as poss. He was a bystander to cancer, you were the one that was ill and he could do nothing to help and being a man he feels useless. I wonder whether separate counselling would be better for you right now as you have a lot to come to terms with, your head probably feels like pea soup not knowing which way to turn. You are, obviously, most welcome to come on here and talk about your feelings no matter what they are and I bet there'll be someone in the same boat and they will have empathy with you. It really does help to write something down, send it and then get an answer - even if we just send a hug. In any event I am glad you are back at work and doing your best and long may it continue. Please don't make any big decisions until you can see clearly in front of you after getting rid of the fallout from cancer. Remember also, you married your man for who he was and still is. I wish you both peace. Ann x
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Horsewoman.Sorry about your problems.I think it depends on what your marriage was like before the cancer.Only my opinion cos Im no councellor.My 1st thought was he sounds horrible but I read Anns post and thought well yes I guess you need to give it a bit of time.Men can be a pain when they dont talk about their feelings.I had a rant at mine fairly recently and he improved,lol but it may not work with every man.My opinion could be wrong...just the way I feel HUGS!!!!
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Thanks for the replies sometimes it helps to pour it out I won't be doing anything rash I honestly thinks its about sorting my head out I know i am three years on but the fear doesn't go away and sometimes becomes all consuming, thanks for listening x
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