I have not been on the site for ages, i have had 2 intense months caring for my mum. She died on 9th june at home at 64 and my heart is broken. She suffered terribly. I had no help as she was in denial right up until the day before she died when i had to get the district nurses to see her as she became so ill. She had lung cancer which had spread all over her body totalling 22 lumps or tumors including 7 on her head. She had not eaten for months and when she died she was yellow with a liver, water and chest infection. The doctor came out the week before and the anti biotics she had been given never worked but being sick daily she probably never kept them down anyway. I suppose i should feel some relief that she is not suffering anymore but i am devasted and cannot get the picture out of my head of when she died which was horrible not peaceful as i was told it would be. How you ever come to terms with the loss? it feels like the end of the world.
FormerMember
I am so sorry for your loss ... You are right , your mum will not be in pain or sick anymore ... She is at peace . I lost my Grandma a few years back and I know she would not to remember her ill , but at her best. Remember her smile , treasure the good memories !!
Thinking of you and your family and may she rest in peace ..
Hello holly, I feel for you and wish I could erase those terrible memories for you. It is always hard to lose someone you love and to lose your mother is somehow devastating in the extreme (I lost my mum 2 years ago). I have since lost my dear husband Ray in March this year (also a very traumatic and devastating). It is so hard but as time goes on, the awful memories do tend to fade into the background and the better, happier memories take their place. No-one can tell you how or when this will happen, but one day you will realise that it has. I would like to offer my sincere condolences to you and hope that in time you will find peace. We are here to support you but you may benefit from contacting a bereavement self help group. The district nurses or GP may be able to put you in contact with one in your area. x x x
I lost my lovely mum in December 2008, and she was aged 64 too - so young to die. She was very accepting of her situation and although she didn't have any treatment (as in chemo or suchlike) she had pain relief.
I know what you mean about remembering them in that awful way, but it does fade in time - you just need to surround yourself with as many understanding people as you can and have a good cry as and when you need to, don't be worried about expressing yourself - I had a good cry this morning and I always feel better afterwards. Your pain is so raw at the moment - and when you've nursed someone and watched them get more and more ill, it's just so painful when they're gone and you're left with the stark and sharp memories - but gradually, the space between really painful times will grow longer and you'll be able to cope better.
You need to acknowledge the fact that you did all that you could for your mum and were a wonderful daughter and friend to her when she needed you most - don't ever underestimate what that would have meant to her as she was fading away, she will have been so proud to have had such a wonderful daughter and you should feel proud of how you handled yourself too. I wish I could give you a big cuddle and ease your pain - but I know that the way you looked after your mum means you are a strong person and you will come through this agony....just go easy on yourself.
Thinking of you and sending you strength and love xxx
Thankyou so much to everyone who replied to my blog. Sometimes i feel so selfish ranting about how i feel when it has and is not even happening to me but i know that nobody would understand more than the people on this site. I do hope i will come to terms with losing my mum soon as i feel like i am going mad. Its the fact i can never talk to her or see her again that i cannot get my head around as well as the awful 9 months we endured since the diognosis. I wish i believed there is something after here and i would feel better for her. I guess in time i will learn to cope with it we have no choice. Thanks again for all your kind words.
<p> Thanks for your message. I feel for you too although you do seem to have a lot of good support around you. I dont know how i am going to carry on without my mum. My parents divorced when she was 27 and being so young as my dad had another woman and a good job she left me with him and went to work away. She came back a few years later to look after her parents who were ill. I kept in touch and then spent all my teenage years helping her as she had a breakdown looking after my grandmother who was a terrible person after my grandad died. I never really held it against her for not bringing me up but felt resposible and sorry for her as she had a tough life and childhood. My mum was born with one leg shorter than the other and never wore a built up shoe for vanity reasons but suffered for it the last few years with scoliosis. Anyway she lived in my other house for last 12 years which is in the town centre so she was closer to the charity shops she loved and made a few friends in the bingo where she went most days until she became so ill. She was a very private person, parenoid through disability and had been badly let down by people all her life. I am an omly child and out family is not close. She only had me. She told nobody of her illness she just wanted to be treated normally and did not want pity. I am so angry she was such a good person. Why are there such bad people everywhere and terrible things happen to the good. Apart from the loss i am falling apart because i never one siad to my mum i loved her or she me. She never wanted to even talk about the illness so i had to live with the pretence the whole time saying people lived for years with cancer when i had been told she had about 6 months to live. It was hell. When she died my dad had come up and stayed the whole night as i was frightened and was there when she died. Thank god the nurses were there and i held her hands and said nothing i just cried. I feel terrible now i never told her i loved her but we never had that relationship where we showed our feelings. I feel terrible and dont want to be here anymore. I have a partner but i just want my mum nobody else. Its amazing how all my life i have been more her mum than she to me so its like she was my child and i always felt she was a bit of a burden as i have built my whole life around her. Now she has gone i know i needed her more and the one stable thing in my life has gone. Thanks again for what you said i hope you do not mind me sending you this message but i thought you would understand how i feel most. If you get chance i hope to hear from you again.
