I have not been on the site for ages, i have had 2 intense months caring for my mum. She died on 9th june at home at 64 and my heart is broken. She suffered terribly. I had no help as she was in denial right up until the day before she died when i had to get the district nurses to see her as she became so ill. She had lung cancer which had spread all over her body totalling 22 lumps or tumors including 7 on her head. She had not eaten for months and when she died she was yellow with a liver, water and chest infection. The doctor came out the week before and the anti biotics she had been given never worked but being sick daily she probably never kept them down anyway. I suppose i should feel some relief that she is not suffering anymore but i am devasted and cannot get the picture out of my head of when she died which was horrible not peaceful as i was told it would be. How you ever come to terms with the loss? it feels like the end of the world.
FormerMember
Holly, I am so sorry to hear of your mum's death and the terrible experience it was for you. I can understand you must still be in bits about this. I don't know what to to say about how to come to terms with the loss, I think you just have to take each day as it comes. My granddaughter died in February aged 4 days and even now I find it difficult to look at her photos as it is too painful.
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but you can pm me if you want, I'm more than willing to listen and chat.
oh holly,i'm so so sorry to hear you recently lost your mum to this awful illness and that she suffered so much with it . nothing i can say will help ease the pain you are feeling right now ,you are still raw and its early days but i know it does eventually get easier and once the pain eases you will start to put aside the awful images and memories you have now and will be able to start to smile once again remembering the good times you shared together ,i know its terribly hard for you right now but you were there for your mum right till the very end ,you done everything for her that you could try to take comfort in that.
i wish i could do something to take away your pain
Hello Holly, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum, having similar experience with my beloved hubby Albert. Had to watch a big strong man become a shadow of himself, he was so brave and thought if he did what the Doctors told him, he would have a chance. He had bowel cancer and I am still conviced, had he gone for his check up years before, he could have been saved. The last ten days he was in a Hospice, but the dosage of morphium was highered and he was soon unconcious all the time. I was allowed to stay overnight in the same room, as they thought it wouldn't take long. One morning I had to return home by tram and bus to see if all was okay and said goodbye to him,saying I would be back in the evening. At 5 pm the telephone rang here at home, but there was nobody at the other end. I arrived back at the Hospice at 6.30 pm and was met by a nurse. I knew immediately, he had died at 5 pm. It wasn't a pleasant sight and he looked as if he had fought desperately to stay. I was devastated that I hadn't been there, but the nurse said, they often wait until they are alone. I will never get those pictures out of my head. A year later I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and had to get through it alone. Now three and a half years on, I hope to be one of the survivers, but will accept what comes. God bless your dear Mum. I miss mine so much, lost her six weeks after Albert and miss her terribly. Take care, give yourself time. Janalena.
so very sorry for your loss and how you had to watch your mum die, try to remember her, not the cancer, think of a special time you had with her and try to keep that picture of her in your mind, it is so hard to lose your mum or any loved one, she wouldnt want you to be suffering, i know cos i am a mother, and i wish my daughter didnt have to go throught watching me, i know your mother would`ve saved you from it if she could, try to remember her before. she will always be with you. liz xxxx
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Mum in May and she was only 56. The last 5 days were spent in a hospice and most of the time she was hallucinating and was in and out of consciousness as she was on a high level of morphine. I also know what you mean about not being able to get images out of your head. I try to remember the good, happy times, and all that I can picture is how very ill and in pain she was. Luckily my Mum went peacefully at the end, although I wasn't there when it happened.
The last days were difficult for me as my Mum had so much anger at the world and was shutting me out which was so distressing for me, my Dad and my brother.
