in shock

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

1 Dec 2011

ok so i think i finally figured out how to blog on the new mac site! very confusing i must say!

so here it goes...

my beautiful boyfriend is 24, and was on his road to recovery after battling stage 4 bowel cancer for a year and a half.. major bowel surgery ended up with a colostomy, liver re section, and two lung operations to remove mets.. all very successful, with chemo and radio.. his poor body was in shock from everything but he never stopped smiling..

he went yesterday for his 3 month check up... first since the last surgery.. i was at work and he rang the door bell, i answered and his face was ghostly white.. his eyes were red and i knew something was wrong "its not good" and then he told me, the cancer was now in his lymph nodes in his chest, his liver and in the stomach... wat the hell?

devestated is not the right word.. im distraught... i feel like someone is playing a sick joke on me.. how can he go from being nearly cured to terminally ill? so fast? it was only 3 months since his last scan, and now it shows the lymph nodes? how can they have missed this? im so angry that my baby has been fighting so hard to only be told there's nothing more they can do except trials now...

i feel as if life is not worth living without him.. he's the love of my life, constantly telling me how beautiful i am, how lucky he is.. he's the most beautiful person ever.. how can i watch someone i love so damn much wither away? the diagnosis is probably 12 months or less.. thats just not enough time for us.. i cant even begin to accept that.. how will i cope?

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Dear Missym86,

I am so sorry you have this awful news to digest, I dont really know what to say to you, there is plenty of people on here ready to support you and give you the correct information. When my husband was first diagnosed I was distraught and I rang the Macmillan help phone line , I spoke to a very nice young man and it did help me, or you could go into the chat room.............I would not have got through it all without the various ways on here of being in contact with people who really know what you are going through.

Sending you big hugs...............Hope this helps a little. xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Missy, I'm so so sorry....

Can they not do more chemo to shrink the lymph nodes? Or could they not remove the lymph nodes? Can you go back for a second opinion? The reason I'm asking is because my husband's cancer spread to his lymph nodes, in his neck, chest and abdomen, he had chemo to shrink them and then had the ones in his abdomen removed.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. How is he coping? Like Wendy has said, these boards are a lifeline - they helped me when everything looked so bleak. Tom's chances of surviving this were not very good and I struggled to stay positive.

Big hugs hun, please keep us posted on how you both are

xxxxxxxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Dear Missy

Oh how sorry I am for you both to be given this devastating news after battling so hard for so long.

I know how hard it is to hear that awful word 'terminal' and the confusion, anger, despair and disbelief are horrendous. I am only guessing at this but I think that the doctors may think that any further treatment would probably be more detrimental than effective given the amount of treatment and operations your boyfriend has endured over the last 18 months but I would, if I were him and you, get a second opinion on this. It may be that he is just not strong enough to cope with further treatment.

I wish you didn't have to be here but like those previous posts have said, we are all here for you any time you need us.

Much love,

Nin xxxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Dear Missy, Such terrible news...I don't know what to say...........Hopefully a trial can help..I know there are two starting here at the Austin in the next week or two........ All I can say is thank you for giving me the info re the new laser surgery now available at Austin. I have had mets removed from my left lung and planning the right lung in about 3 weeks. So far soo good......I know there are no guarantees.........but I have been given extra time that I wouldn't have if not for you seeing my comment on here and telling me about the new laser machine at Austin. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Don
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