A month ago my mum was diagnosed with cancer in her kidney. She made out to me like everything was going to be alright. They would just remove the kidney.
Then yesterday she dropped the bombshell that the cancer is too far developed and has reached into her lungs and there is not much more they can do for her. They're not sure how long she has to live.
Is there really nothing they can do? Can't they cut the cancer out and give her a transplant or something? There must be something they can do. No-one understands what I'm going through. I'm an only child and my friends said they cannot even imagine what I am going through. I even feel resentful towards them. Their mums are healthy and will most likely have their mums for 30 years or more. Why is mine being taken from me now?
I feel like killing myself. I'm 22 and even though I have 2 young children of my own, my mum helps me a lot with them and I cannot bear the thought of life without her - I don't want to. I can't face the fact that I'm going to watch her die and I'll never ever see her again. I just can't - I need my mum.
I've been diagnosed with post-ntal depression but wasn't given anti-depressents as I'm breastfeeding. Instead I was referred to see a counsellor which hasn't helped one bit and the fact I'm going to lose my mum has just made me feel my life isn't worth living at all.
I don't even know what kind of cancer to say my mum has. She has a tumour on her kidney but she said it has spread around her groin and up into her lungs. Surely the doctors can do more, I hear about people recovering from cancer all the time, so why isn't there much they can do for my mum?
FormerMember
Hello Hayley,
I was just posting a blog on the What Now? site and I read yours. My heart goes out to you sweetheart, it really does, but the fact that you have posted a blog on this site means you have taken the first step to getting some support while you go through this awful thing. My mum was diagnosed in September 2008 with inoperable lung cancer and because she was already disabled with a brain condition, she chose not to have any treatment for the cancer and sadly, heartbreakingly - she died last Wednesday.
Cancer is such an unpredictable beast is really is, and although your mum has been told they can't cure her cancer, this doesn't mean that she won't be able to have treatment to extend her life and to make her feel more comfortable - in other words, to stop the growth of the tumours in their tracks and put a 'hold' on things if you like - I don't know, as each person is so totally different from the next.
Reading your blog made me stop crying for myself and think of you - you are so young (I have a son of 20) and I can only imagine that at this moment in time, you are totally shocked by everything. Once you start to get your head round the idea - 'we have this to deal with, now let's work out the best way' - you will find that you start to gain strength from small things.
My own experience is recent and raw, and I will say this to you - do fun things with your mum, dress up warmly and take your kids to the park with mum in tow. Take her to the pictures to watch a silly, fun film. Go shopping and sit in a coffee shop and talk about things in life that have made you both happy. And most of all - whether or not you've been touchy, feely before - every now and again, give your mum and cuddle, a kiss and tell her you love her. I did this with my mum over the last couple of months, despite her not really being that kind of person, and I am so thankful now that I did.
I hate to tell you to be strong - but as much as I wanted to lay on the floor and beat my fists and say 'Why me? Why my mum?' - she wasn't, so I felt it only right that I didn't either, because it wasn't about me.
You can e-mail or pm me anytime - stay with this site, it has been so wonderful for me when no-one else around me understood how I felt.
I only wanted to let you know that I too am an only child and my dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. My dad is my world and I fell exactly like you. I have no children of my own al be it I keep trying but if you need to chat I do undestand. I'm with you. xx
I see you have been on site a couple of times..........how are you? Let us know how you are doing. Has anything that we have said been a help to you? Have you spoken with the nurse helpline? Just a bit worried for you........hope you let us know, Best wishes, Love Jools x x x
Thank you. Everyones comment has been extremely helpful to me. It has definately made me understand my mums cancer more and has made me come to terms with what is happening. My mum had her biopsy just after christmas and is getting her results today. I have been spending a lot of time with her but when I do, I feel upset afterwards as I know one day this will end. I just wish I could do more for her. xxx
Well, I hope the news today is as best as it might be Hayley. We'll all be thinking of you.
There's no easy way of dealing with any of this. However, many better people than me on this site manage to cope with all manner of ups and downs in their cancer experience. It's only when I read the stories of others that I manage to gain strength from this pool of experience and support. (Sorry, I'm sounding like some evangelical bod ...) Anyway, keep posting and take care.
