A month ago my mum was diagnosed with cancer in her kidney. She made out to me like everything was going to be alright. They would just remove the kidney.
Then yesterday she dropped the bombshell that the cancer is too far developed and has reached into her lungs and there is not much more they can do for her. They're not sure how long she has to live.
Is there really nothing they can do? Can't they cut the cancer out and give her a transplant or something? There must be something they can do. No-one understands what I'm going through. I'm an only child and my friends said they cannot even imagine what I am going through. I even feel resentful towards them. Their mums are healthy and will most likely have their mums for 30 years or more. Why is mine being taken from me now?
I feel like killing myself. I'm 22 and even though I have 2 young children of my own, my mum helps me a lot with them and I cannot bear the thought of life without her - I don't want to. I can't face the fact that I'm going to watch her die and I'll never ever see her again. I just can't - I need my mum.
I've been diagnosed with post-ntal depression but wasn't given anti-depressents as I'm breastfeeding. Instead I was referred to see a counsellor which hasn't helped one bit and the fact I'm going to lose my mum has just made me feel my life isn't worth living at all.
I don't even know what kind of cancer to say my mum has. She has a tumour on her kidney but she said it has spread around her groin and up into her lungs. Surely the doctors can do more, I hear about people recovering from cancer all the time, so why isn't there much they can do for my mum?
FormerMember
Oh dear, poor you, Hayley. You're having a rotten time but so is your mum so I think the two of you need to work together on this to support each other. This is not the time to give up in despair. You think there's nothing to be done - but you're wrong. There might not be much to be done about your mum's illness, but you can do a hell of a lot to make her feel better about it and helping her to be as happy as poss during the time she has left. Now is the time to be making good memories to see you through whatever happens in the future.
Why your mum? Why any of us? Why not?
How can you say your life isn't worth living when you have two beautiful children? If you feel really bad and the counselling isn't helping, maybe you should wean your little one off the breast and ask your doc for some anti-depressants. I'm not in favour of them long term but maybe you need something to ease you over the shock of all that's happening.
There are lots of people on this site who are going through similar probs and I hope you'll get a lot of replies to your blog to help you come to terms with all this. You are not alone. We're hear to listen and to help if we can.
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I wanted to explain a couple of things to you if that is alright. When someone has cancer if it is found early while it hasnt spread it is often the case that it can be removed and a cure ismade. However, sadly, when the tumour has spread to other organs, this is known as metastatic cancer and in the majority of cases it is incurable. In some cases treatment is offered to slow down the growth of the tumours but it wont be offered as a 'cure'. All of this is obviously understandably very hard for you to take in - my heart goes out to you. We have a very very good helpline here and it is free - I wonder if you would benefit froma chat wiht the nurses there to help you to understand what is happening to your Mum and to see a way forward for yourself. On top of your postnatal depression this is a very hard blow for you. The thing is - however much you need your Mum - your own kids are very young and need you even more! So please seek some help and here we will gather around you and support you as much as we can to see you through this difficult time. You are not alone Hayley1. Sending love and hugs, Jools x x
Reading through your post you are clearly (and understandably) going 'mad' with anxiety and frustration. A whole host of different emotions kick in when someone we love is in this situation. I'd just like to underline what Jools has said - PLEASE talk to someone. You've taken the first steps by posting on here. The Mac nurses will give you as much or as little time as you want. Carers (you!) often have a tougher time of things emotionally than the patients themselves. You need to put some time aside for yourself and call the number Jools has suggested. It will help.
Hello Hayley, I'm so sorry to read about your mum. You are very obviously upset and in shock about what's happening. This disease is cruel and indiscriminate. It robs families of loved ones and leaves you with those unanswerable questions "why", "it's not fair". You have already been given some very good advice so I would just like to add that now is the time to give back to your mum some of the love and care that she's given to you over the years. Let her know that you want to be there for HER and in any way that will make the time you have together (no matter how long or short) full of happy memories. So many people do not get that chance and when their loved one is suddenly taken away they are left with remorse thinking "if only....".
Seek the help you need to be able to be there for your mum. Is there anyone who can help you with your children so you can spend some quality time with mum? Or be able to help out at home so to help take the strain out of what's ahead? My heart goes out to you Hayley, losing your mum whatever age you are is so hard. Sending you a big hug and hope to see you here again.
Dont give up love, your mum and your children need you more than ever. It is a horrible time for all of you and you will get through this. I know at the moment you probably dont know how to, but you will........you have to. Get back to the doctors and ask for more help, stop breast feeding if you need to. Do whatever you need to do to help you all get through this but dont give up. I am sure that is the last thing your mum would want or your children. Take care love and go and get some help from the doctors. xxxxxxx
