Radiation and chemo on wednesday.
I am scared of the side effects but I am even more scared that it won't work.
Increasingly I fear the cancer will not go. They still say cure is possible but increasing complications convince me that cure may not be a realistic prospect.
Maybe I am just in a pessimistic mood. I spent Christmas almost entirely alone and normally I manage quite ok but it felt so different this year. The knowledge that others celebrated while I simply got through it.
When I took my little tree down I found myself wondering whether I would be around next year to put it up again and the house seemed strange to me.
It feels like all my home comforts have turned cold and alien
.
Cancer has invaded every tiny fragment of my existence and taken over every miniscule part of me and my little world.
I think that maybe when the radiation starts I will feel a little more in control as I get to grips with this silent, creeping invader.
