I had my 5th radiation treatment today. My chest and back ache and I feel exhausted. My little rabbits continue to give me strength. My friends funeral is next week and I want to be strong enough to go. Sometimes I feel so terrified and I cannot pin down what exactly I am so afraid of. Is it death, illness, loss of control, ceasing to exist? I want so much to believe in a life after cancer but worry that I will never conquer the fear and enjoy life again. My mood is low most of the time but my humour has not completely abandoned me. I AM NOT BEATEN YET!
