I have my appointment now. As it was a week yesterday since the doctor said she'd refer me I rang the doctors to see what was happening and they said that it didn't look like the referral had actually been sent. Nearly burst into tears in the office. Today I rang various numbers until I found the right people who checked if a referral had come in for me. Turns out that yes they did but it only came yesterday. So probably me ringing the doctor reminded her she hadn't done it yet. Anyway the important thing is they had it. Then later on this morning they rang to book the appointment. It's in my local hospital at 8.30am on Thursday 8th June. 1 week tomorrow. I told my mum, dad & sister today and of course they are worried but reminding me there is a good chance its not cancer still. They are praying for me. Don't have their faith but its nice to have them doing that for me. Feld oddly much better having a date to work towards. I guess its something solid in this swirl of fear and emotion. I can feel a tiny nobbly bit to the side of the lump now. And maybe it's grown. I don't know, might be imagining that. At times I feel very tender towards my poor left boob. Other times the thought that there might be something growing in it, trying to kill me, makes my skin crawl. But all there is to do now is wait. I hope that what they find next week is clearly one way or the other without much doubt. I am so sure its cancer. My age, how it feels, and just my gut feeling. I hope I'm wrong.
