On my way back from the shower this morning I noticed my boob was a little sore. I wondered to myself if it was due to doing a short exercise video last night in my pjs (no boob support). I also wondered if maybe there was some kind of bruise. I was feeling about seeing if there was a sore spot to check if there was a bruise.
But then I thought I felt something. A tiny hard lump.
I ran my finger over it. Perhaps I imagined it, so I stopped and then tried to find it again. Still there. It's my left breast. I can only feel it when I push up under my boob with my right hand and feel with my left. It's on the top of the boob an inch or 2 from the nipple a little to the right (from my point of view). It's tiny, smaller than my finger tip.
The fear rushed through me. Shaking I got dressed. Then felt it again. Still there. It's probably nothing I told myself. But what if it's not nothing. I have to get it checked.
Trying not to snowball the panic, trying not to picture myself hairless, sick and drained from chemo...
So I rang the doctor, waited 10 mins to finally have my turn and made an appointment. It's at 11.20 today.
I turned on my work laptop, but couldn't face going to a meeting while so worried. So I messaged my line manager to say I had a doctor's appointment and was in a panic. Then I just cried as it was the first time saying/typing how I felt. Didn't tell her what it was but she probably has an idea of the type of thing it might be.
So anyway, I sat and listened to my audio book, did some crochet, drank peppermint tea and tried to remain calm. It's an hour now till my appointment so will head out soon.
Not sure what to tell my daughter. She's not up yet. I can't just leave the house without telling her as she'd be worried if she woke up and I wasn't here. But do I tell her I found a lump? I don't want her to be worrying like me.
So there we are. I'm worried and scared. Hopefully the doctor will say, oh that's nothing to worry about, just a cyst or something. Or a lump that tiny can't be anything, or they can't feel it at all and it's just in my head. But maybe it will be concerning. Maybe I'll need a mammogram. Stupidly when I think about having to go to hospital for that, I worry about parking!! Ridiculous.
If I do need a mammogram or something else, how am I going to just get on with life waiting and wondering?
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Later...
Doctor asked lots of questions and then examined me. She could feel the lump so I wasn't imagining things. She is referring me to breast clinic to get it checked out. Should get a letter with an appointment in a few days.
