I hate this.

Hi, IMHO the anxiety  before a scan amplifies all emotions. I had surges of emotions that I had never experienced before. I have read your blogs and I am really sorry you have had a rough time during chemo.

Hoping for a much better day for you tomorrow.

Love Court

stick with it! scream and shout and get angry as much as you want. don't let the bloody thing win without a fight. Maybe the noise of you shouting will scare it!

Hi HJ,

I went through the bowel cancer malarky - was diagnosed in December 2008 and had 35 shots of radiotherapy and seven courses of capecetabine followed by major surgery in October 2009 where I finished up with a permanent stoma and removal of my anus and rectum. I now have two major ruptures - one at the stoma and one at the operation scar. I get a six monthly consultation with my surgeon and my oncologist who leapfrog appointments so i am seen every three months. I was having a six monthly MRI but now i am having an annual one. The last scan report said "There was no convincing evidence that cancer had returned. Three weeks ago I had to have an abscess drained where my rectum used to be which got me another four days in the joint. I am pretty stoical and accept my lot generally but I did have some dark days after surgery. You are by no means alone in getting angry but unfortunately so can have a good scream and shout but then it's back to the grindstone - it will pass very quickly and then you can look back and say thank goodness that is over. I have read your profile and I think what you have achieved so far is brilliant and takes a lot of guts to do what you have. I am sure you have enough reserves to get through this hiccup! Incidentally I lost my toenails, my face felt like I had been out in the sun too long, my mouth was very sore (pineapple juice is good) but I was never sick and kept my hair such as it is.Keep in touch nd don't hesitate to contact me if there is anything you need to know. Got the scars and the T shirt!

Keep smiling

love

Drew

X

you have to have the best screaming session ever hun i find when i feel like a good cry i go into my little toilet away from everyone and have a belter of a cry in there when i was diagnosed i remember standing outside the hospital in my dressing gown and looking down the mile end road and wishing i could just walk onto it and keep walking away from everthing and not stopping sadly it wasnt an option we all have times we wish this awful thing hadnt invaded our lives one day we are going about happy and normal the next our world will never be the same but we have to get on with it and fight the bloody thing as if we have never fought before so if you fancy a scream moan cry anything just do it get it out your system and move on because tomorrow is another day you will get over this phase  and be back to your determined self we are stronger than we think pain and discomfort brings us down but hey we know we can bounce back up again

im sometimes fed up when i look in the mirror and wish i had my hair back again instead of looking like a skinhead id even never moan again if i could dye my roots and id suffer the stinging cos ive always been blonde but im now a colour i never was grrrrrrrrrrrr!!! have only a quarter of my hair left which i shaved to a no 3 its growing very slowly though so you know what i do when im going out put on my makeup stick on my hat and off i go girl im not going to let this b get me down im going to get on with my life as my friend carole says im living with cancer not dying from it !!! and shes so right so have your scream and brush yourself down youre not alone hun we are all here for you always

always keep that smile on your face even though you dont feel like it pm me whenever you need to

love and loads of hugs jen xxxx

Hi HJ

I have my rectal cancer op on Thursday so I really can appreciate what you are going through.  I know that down the road, you will wonder what this was all about.  I know people who a year on from this same experience are carrying on with their lives.  So just go "Up yours with a chocolate frog" to the cancer, get some more great DVD's out, chill and enjoy the rest, because soon you'll be back on your feet, out in the shops, running about at work, and pulling the odd hunk or two.

Thinking of you

Much luv

Suetoo xxxxxxx