For the love of wee

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

15 Jan 2011

I just can't stop weeing! I've never noticed before my wee behaviour, but since last night I can't help but announce it to whoever I'm with. It's my main activity.

Mum thinks it's because I might be starting to lose weight. I think it may be pressure on the bladder. Who knows! I'll mention it to the Doc.

Today I'm at home, sort of recovering from a hardcore 5 days. I'm catching up on post and emails. I'm also going to cook a chicken katsu curry with mum.

I've emailed Marie Claire magazine to ask their fashion advisor where I can buy nice head scarves. I think it's time I get all the professionals involved! I'm preparing for all sorts. I've accepted hair loss is inevitable. I just want things ready for when it happens. I'm also going to see my hair dresser (mainly for a gossip and a pampering session - they give me unlimited brownies and champagne - I must just indulge this time...). She can also cut my hair. I want it cut into a short bob - I want it manageable and neat, as at the moment it's shoulder length and becoming a mission to blow dry and sort out. Oh and I might as well let my roots grow. No point getting my colour done now, is there?! Shall save me some pennies.

I have a crazy busy week coming up. I just hope I can do it all. Suddenly friends all want dinner with me. I'm looking forward to seeing them, just not looking forward to all the meals. Maybe I'll just have a lot of starters! and ice cream. As long as there's a seat and a toilet close by there's no reason why I can't see them all. Oh and I've the energy.

For the first time I looked at my MRI films today. Even before diagnosis I was given them but never looked at them because I wasn't sure what I would be looking at and didn't want to start sending my brain into over drive. Now I just look at them, thinking, I'm looking at my cancer, but not entirely sure where the little bugger is. I'll take them along with me next time and it get it pointed out to me. It'll be so obvious I expect once I'm shown, but for now I'm clueless! Concrete is more my thing people, not cancer!

Oooh my mum has just made me some lunch! Might as well get stuck in!

Hope everyone is OK and having a nice Saturday :)

Hannah x

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Actually, I experienced something similar with needing the loo a lot after my diagnosis. I put it down to anxiety. Your body will want to keep itself lite for that "fight or flight" response. It's pretty normal to start noticing every friggen internal movement or tiny pain that's often just your normal body functions. It drove me mad until I got my PET/CT scan results. I was convinced I had cancer riddled throughout my abdomen, but it was just the lump pressing on a nerve and taking away some internal sensation.

I also found the social communication side overwhelming. Everyone wants to know all the time, and I often wished I had a PA to take care of it for me. My Mum handled my relatives thankfully, and I handled my friends. It's sad but some people can deal with it, and others can't so they just push away from you. It's hard not to take it personally, and in rare instances I have literally shut people out my life for not even acknowledging that I'm ill. Not even saying 'sorry' when I told them the news.

At least you find out who your real friends are. And sometimes you might get a nice surprise regarding that, and for me it's made up for the losers who abandoned me.

Stay strong!

Ray x
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hiya

I've looked through all my paperwork finally (I've ignored it for a few days). My chemo will be Capecitabine and Irinotecan. I think it's going to be a suck it and see with regards to the hair loss/thinning possibilities.

Island_kate, that's my thinking re. hair cut. I just don't want the hassle. Mine's irritating at the best of times, so I just want to make things easier.

Your bikini line story made me chuckle. Silver linings and all that!

Ray, I've had my CT scan, and they've confirmed it's not spread. But it is Duke's stage 3, and the lump is very close to a lymph node which they want to get to work on straight away.

My mum is acting as a sort of PA for me too! Especially with the Dr's - she emails me all the phone messages, so I can read them quietly at work. Makes it easier in some ways because I can digest it in my own time. My relatives (not my immediate family) have all vanished. They can't cope with it, and are struggling to find something to say. They could start with hello...

A few friends have really surprised me, and it's actually quite lovely. I think we could end up having a much stronger friendship now. Then there's the few friends who just won't stop with the stupid questions. Oh and the constant moaning about how ill they feel (piles, colds, pain in side..etc). I've been polite so far, but I feel I may not be able to bite my lip for much longer.

I've not found the guts to tell my friends when my radiotherapy starts. I think for now I want to keep it a sort of secret. My mum and dad know, some colleagues (they need to know), and probably two friends but that's only because I've had to re arrange social things with them. In fact I've not updated any of my friends really since my diagnosis. I think I'm fed up with repeating myself.

Thank you all again for the messages. Hope you're all OK.

Speak soon

Hannah x
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel