Part 1

Hi,

I hear you loud and clear! I lost my husband just over 3 months ago and I'm struggling in the bereavement process. I am 28 and he was 31 when he passed away. We had recently been married and had our whole lives together.

I have fet really numb and as he worked away a lot sometimes I think that he's coming home - even though I know he's not. I think I've spent a lot of time in shock and my body and mind is only just adjusting to this. I have counselling every other week and seen an alternative therapist. I rarely sleep.

Unfortunately there isn't a right or wrong way to grieve and people deal with this differently. its hard work and emotionally draining when you literally don't know from one day to the next how you are going to wake up in the morning. Even then, what you feel is going to be a good day - turns into a bad one!!

I sometimes wish there was a text book that I can read that will tell me in advance what i'm supposed to do or feel, but it doesn't exist. I feel guilty for smiling, for laughing. But I try and think to myself that he would want me to be 'happy' that he lives on in me and has made me a stronger person.

There is no time line, no right or wrong, just allow yourself to feel how you feel that day and let it out

xxx

Pjs - I can't imagine how you must be feeling, my heart goes out to you. Maybe we should get writing a book! I will update and reply a longer MSG soon Take care xx

Pjs also meant to say thank you so much for replying to my first attempt at a blog was so kind of you Xx

Hi Wombat,

Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since my mum passed away. For us her battle that we were aware of was quite short diagnosed 6th of August 2011 died 11 October 2011.

I am still in limbo I have cried, at times litterally sobbed unfortunately usually when driving, as this was the only time I could do so without worrying about my dad or the children seeing me this way and upsetting them too. I'm aware that grief goes in stages and you can often revisit a stage so far I seem to be denial. You would think that would be helpful but no.... for although I can push it all to the back of my mind during the day by focusing on other things (usually) my dreams are making sleep difficult. To wake up frequently after dreaming about all that has happened is quite lonely and frightening when your alone in bed at 2, 3, 4 or 5 in the morning knowing I would have to try yet again to forget so I could fall asleep once more knowing chances were that once again I would wake with tears streaming down my face.

Helen x

 

Thank you both for replying, it is good to know that it is not just me, that I am not going crazy.

Helen - like you my time with my mum was short only a few weeks from diagnosis, treatment was offered but in the end she never even made her first chemo session. I also have the dreams - about mum and also now about my dad.

Denial and numb are the only two words I can use to describe how I feel at the moment.

Pjs - I like you feel guilty for smiling, laughing, going out or doing anyhting normal even though I use all these things as a distraction I feel like I am somehow betraying the memory of my mum. Even though I can hear her now telling me that is silly!

I am trying to take each day as it comes, do you find sometimes that you think of something or someone says something and my first thought is I must call my mum then I remember I can't. I don't think I am quite used to it yet.

I think the advice to feel the way you feel and go with is the best advice although I do sometimes wonder when people ask you how you are that day what answer they really want!

I will keep you both in my thoughts

Take care

xxx