Just a vent

1 minute read time.

21 Jan 2025

Not sure who I am angriest with: me, BT or EE.
But probably me.

My beautiful Valen worked from home and dealt with people in Canada, America and India so needed a really good spec broadband.
He was also renowned for his love of gadgets, newest tech and gizmos.
Which meant we paid quite a bit on broadband and mobiles.
Now I dont need any fancy broadband or mobile.

So I did something I thought was pretty major, brave and caused some prior anxiety.
I went to EE to change my mobile deal and the guy said by switching to them from BT for broadband I could get a big saving, almost half what we’re paying now.
So I went ahead, and spoke to a lady from BT to confirm.
I told them both I have just lost my husband and that was why I was looking for a different deal.

Neither mentioned an early cancellation fee.
Just got email saying have to pay £453 as still in BT contract!
I didn’t know this.
I guess I should have checked / asked.
And now I will have to go in to them again today to cancel the new deal as can’t afford that!

But I had a panic attack when I got the email.
Been crying at my stupidity for being suckered in.
Angry at them for not warning me.
Angry at myself for not checking and being proud of doing something on my own.
Pride comes before a fall.

He would be disappointed in me for being rash.
For not checking other deals.
For not checking the contract.
He would never be angry with me, that isn’t his nature.

I was feeling sleepy after a long but, what I thought was, productive day.
But now that’s out the window.
It’s now 2.55am and just can’t stop berating myself or sobbing.

I shouldn’t have had to do this in the first place as he shouldn’t have been ripped from me.

Grasan 3 days ago
1. Although it’s 2 years, 4 months since my beloved husband passed away I can understand your frustration and upset. I found some companies, agencies were wonderful (United Utilities and Halifax) others seemed determined to make things as difficult as possible, BT being one of them, despite changing the contact details on our landline account I was still getting letters addressed to him 18 months later and when I rang to say how upsetting this was I was told “Sorry it’s the computer system”!!!!!
  I still feel anger and hurt about some of the things around his death (hospital poor/lack of communication).
  I believe EVERY business/institution/agency should, by law, have a dedicated separate department to deal with queries and concerns of the bereaved.
  Keep up with your journal/blog/diary as it’s something I found, and still find, really helpful and comforting. I started mine when Barry was first diagnosed as a way of keeping track of his appointments, side effects and our feelings. I have continued with it to put my anger, hopes, grief, love down but it’s also now a way to tell him what is happening in my life and our children’s lives. So if I can give you any advice it would be to keep writing down whatever you want to, I also look back and read it and it brings me some comfort at times especially if I read about things I’ve done which are positive (even if a few pages later I’m down in the miseries again). I keep two versions a paper one and one in the Notes section on my phone. I’ve not read all your posts yet so I don’t know when you lost him but I suspect it’s still very raw for you and hard with all the things that have to be done.
  Grasan.
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MrsVT 2 days ago in reply to Grasan

Thank you so much for reading and replying my post. I lost my beautiful Valen what will be an unbelievable 4 months this coming Sunday. I’ve had a horrific day today but after seeing our best friends in our favourite cafe and getting lots of love and support from them I came home and have been reading the Achievements page of my journal. To remind myself that I have done some big and some small things for the first time in my own. From stepping over the threshold to that cafe, to filling the car up for the first time ever, to getting a new volunteering job. I will continue writing down my hopes, fears, achievements, quotes and poems as I do find it therapeutic. Much love to you xx
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