Ambushed again

1 minute read time.

12 Jan 2025

So today was so frosty and black ice every where.
I went out and did a little skid.

I reached out laughing “Dont let me fall”

I crashed down. Not physically. with reality.

A little while ago I posted on the forum about little ambushes which really hit you. Set you crying uncontrollably and unexpectedly.

Flicking through channels hitting on Dads Army - the one where they try to look young. Valen loved Dads Army
New series of Father Brown and last series of Vera - programmes he adored
Hearing someone saying Lovely Jubbley - Only Fools and Horses is his all time favourite programme.
Looking through t.v magazine and seeing Rocky was on. Valen has the box set but would still tape it to watch!
Supermarket shopping. Seeing Baba Ganoush - the one make he only ever bought.
Having to abandon trolley when seeing mince pies - we did an annual mince pie taste test.
Having to choose a calendar for mums present instead of Valen doing one with pictures of us from the previous year.
Hearing that radio presenter Howard Hughes had passed away and saying “ Did you hear that?” without thinking.
Having a tummy ache and he wasn’t there to get me a hot water bottle like he always does.
Seeing the thin leggy spider (the only ones I can bear). We always called them Bert.
Seeing an ambulance outside a house.
Les Mis being the answer to a Chase question - we saw Les. Is about 20 times.
Hearing The Benedictus from The Armed Man, a Mass for Peace. The only piece of classical music he loved and recognised

Personal to us.
Our little in jokes or rituals.

So many big things, but expected.
So many little things. Unexpected.

Cry. Howl. Rage.
Or just stand still silently crying.

Guess this will go on for a long time.

Dignahtee 1 day ago

Wow. It is amazing what stimulates a memory and how this can appear to come from nowhere. It's often smells for me. But I am the other person in your description and it makes me immensely sad to think of what may trigger grief for my loved ones soon. Let it go on for as long as it needs to.
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MrsVT 1 day ago in reply to Dignahtee

Hi there Dignahtee,
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MrsVT 1 day ago in reply to Dignahtee

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have read back over your blogs and they have made my cry, reflect and laugh! My beautiful aliens journey Valen’s journey was fairly similar. Diagnosed Oct 23 with salivary gland and lymph node cancer. Long surgery and radiotherapy. Horrendous side effects including loss of taste (he only ever got that back partially), gradual loss of use of right arm due to nerves being cut damage and skin literally burnt off his face. He faced all this bravely and patiently as it was nothing if it meant he was alive. Scan in April showed all worked but a “speckle” left but expected and just keep an eye on. July awful lymphoedema in neck, so swollen affecting eating and breathing. Another scan August. Day of biopsy called to see oncologist. Cancer now very aggressive (they admitted surprised at speed of spread) and given 3 to 6 months chemo. Avoidable delays, massive stress and loss of hope. We got 3 week 6 days. My beautiful Valen arranged his own funeral, even down to his ashes casket. He sorted out our finances. We talked about what I would do workwise and support network. What we didn’t realise was how grief is so all encompassingly, devastating, soul destroying, enraging and crippling. It would have been even worse if the finances and paperwork weren’t mostly sorted as going through probate and HMRC was flipping awful at a time when I was barely able to stop crying. And I was fixated on not being able to access his phone or laptop as I didn’t have his passcodes. Anyway, long reply, sorry. Hug your loved ones and I send you a hug xx
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