Hi I am new to this site and am not sure how it works.You all seem to be looking on the bright side of things whereas I can only see the inevitable outcome.I am 56 years old.I had an operation for bowel cancer in Jan 2006 followed by 7 months of chemo.My tests since then have been clear.I know I should feel very optimistic but I don't.I cannot live with Cancer.I think about dying every day.The same day that I was discharged from the Onchology Clinic,my mother fell and broke her hip,she is 91 years old.She could not live on her own so she now lives with me ( my choice ) I also look after my 3 year old granddaughter ( again my choice )because if I do die sooner rather than later I want her to remember me.I just feel that I have no life of my own at this time and God knows how my husband feels.If I didn't have my husband Chris, I couldn't cope at all.Sorry to be so miserable,but I feel that I can't cope for much longer but at the same time I cannot change things.I wish that I had died on the operating table and everything was over and done with.I just cannot live with Cancer.
