What do I tell people I meet? This was a question I tried to answer when I first knew I had cancer plus mets in my bones. I had a huge temptation at first, to tell everyone and get sympathy. "Oh you poor thing, you're so brave". I could have expected that reaction, or could I? I decided not to test it out.
So my wife and I told our four children and said we were keeping it in the family for the moment. They were free to tell their spouses and children if they wished. They are sensible grown-ups so we felt we could leave it to them.
Then I decided that going public with this horrible disease that people are scared of and try not to mention, -was not my style. People I meet say "How are you? You're looking very fit" So I say "Very well thanks, how are you?" and talk about things we may have in common. I live in a village where many people know me and I've been here fifty years. The 'news' would soon get out if I talked about it and I've decided that's not what I'd want. Someone, someday is going to notice that my walking's not so good but my answer would be "I've had a bit of trouble in my hips but it's getting better."
What do others do? I'd be happy to have some comments.
Joining the MacMillan Community and the Prostate Cancer Group has helped me more than I can say. I don't feel the need for sympathy from strangers or acquaintances. It's not fair on them to involve them. Here in the group or on my blog I can let it all hang out and I get comments from those who know more than I do or who have experienced the same kinds of ups and down and fears. Thank you all so much.
I know that when things get really tough I can go to 'the room' and have a good yell and scream. So, just thinking about it and working out what I wanted to winge about seems to have worked and I haven't needed open that door yet.
Today, in the city, my walking was really very slow. My hips just don't work properly and I realise how much my ability has deteriorated since I was walking and climbing in the Lake District a year ago.
My wife is now almost unable to get about at all. In the city I had to park right close to her hair appointment and she still had great difficulty. We go to see a rheumatologist about her joints and limb pains tomorrow. I hope we get some tests started as we need some answers. If anything happened to me and I couldn't help her, our independent life here would be finished.
