Aftermath of the storm

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

6 Nov 2013

Found my way to The Room last night, down that long corridor and past all those doors that had distracted me in recent weeks. What I want to say about The Room in my blog will, I hope, help others find release there too.

I have a clear and photographic imagination that helps me to understand things and write about them. To me the room is clean and white. Whatever may have happened there with the last person to use it has been totally cleared away. No bloodstains, no vomit, no mess at all. The Room is always perfectly ready for you or me if needed.

It may be a padded cell but that is so that it can protect me from trying to hurt myself against its soft walls. There is a clean, white couch at just the right height so that I can fling myself down and curl up in the foetal position if I want to rest. There are padded things in just the right places to help me up again. I can shout, rant, cry sob or just sleep as I need to. It never interferes, it accepts. Bless the persons who created it.

Last night I let my frightened, little self in unbearable pain get out and howl. I found peace and today life is much better. I slept better, my drugs are working, the sun is shining, I still have a future with my loved ones. To anyone who reads this and has not had a go in The Room, don't be afraid, it's there for YOU.

Yesterday was RT day in oncology. I have no idea yet what is to follow but I will see the oncologist again soon with the results of all the tests other than those terrifying CT pictures of my shattered pelvis that I saw with him at 'mark up' two days ago. Life is to be lived and I want to talk with all those wonderful people I meet each day.

FormerMember over 11 years ago

My room is my bathroom at home. There are no windows and when I turn the light off it's pitch black. I like to lie in the warm water and let all my feelings out :)

I LOVED this blog post.

I hope my message reaches you in good spirits and good health :) xxx
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FormerMember over 11 years ago

Hi BlueHaze

Thank you for your comment on my blog. Yes, I'm in better spirits today.

I guess we come to this cancer thing from different points, you have a huge loss so recently and I have a big enemy to meet and cope with.

I'm not so recent with loss. I'm old now and my parents died decades ago. I've lost friends and one of them helps me to understand your loss a little bit. She died of cancer, I knew her so little before she fell ill but I loved her more than I have ever been able to understand. After she died I used to see her in my dreams and see her in people passing by not too close. It took years for this bereavement thing to pass off and I now understand that it was a learning process for me for a brother who died when I was only 19. We never talked about him as we should have done and he kind of disappeared out of my life except in dreams. I used to meet him and he'd explain why he had had to disappear not die and I got angry with him for not telling us, his family, the real reason all those years. I'm now at peace with him, with my dear father and that lovely friend who helped me so much, in her hospital bed when I went to see her. She said, "It's alright David, I know what I've got, it's cancer". She thought of me, she made it easy for me, in case I knew and didn't know how to tell her.

I hope you find peace and understanding with your mum. It takes time, a long time, and you need friends and family to talk with about her. They must listen to you and not press their views on you except to talk about her and what she meant to you and them.

All the best,
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