First of all can I please send all my love, hope, squidgy hugs and profuse apologies for not being around over the last couple of months. I hope that all my lovely friends are as well as can be expected and I have missed all of you and your stories and funny antics very much.
It has been a horrible couple of months for my brother, me and my family and I will confess that I just didn't have the energy to log in to MacLand as I couldn't seem to find the strength to give you all the love and support and you need and deserve and for this I am truly sorry.
About two weeks before Christmas Gordy felt that the chemo wasn't doing it's, up until then, wonderful job and he said his liver was getting swollen and the cancer tumours were growing again. This unfortunately put him into the most horrible of places and he was particularly nasty to a mutual friend of ours. Some of his other friends on Facebook started to be very nasty to her as well and at that point I intervened and tried to calm things down but unfortunately Gordy looked on this as me taking her side which wasn't the case but it caused a lot of tears and heartache. I tried my very best to get her to make up with him and in the end she sent me the messages he had been sending her so that I would understand why she could not forgive him. They were to be honest truly vile and one of the messages contained the following diatribe which hurt me very much.
"You and your two friends Pat and Christine (me) can go f*** yourselves and I never want to see any of you again. I don't want any of you to come and see me when I have to go back into hospital and I definitely don't want any of you at my funeral and I will make this clear to everyone. You are nothing but a pack of whining f****** c****."
To say the least I was absolute devastated and I lost about 10lbs in a week. This was the week before Christmas and I honestly didn't know how I was going to be able to face up to spending it at Mam's. It took quite a few talks well into the early hours with my lovely sister-in-law to get myself into a place to cope with it all.
Christmas Day we were having a 'proper' sit down at the table, everything in serving bowls dinner which in my family has just never been the case. It's always been a "dinner will be ready for 2pm and if you're there your'e there, if not you will get it zapped in the microwave" kind of arrangement. So Mam put all the veg and trimmings into serving bowls on the table and I was carving the turkey and pork onto plates and they all sat down. There was Gordy, his daughter Alex and her partner Danny, their lovely baby Zain, Mumsy and me. I'd got everybody's meat put in front of them and everyone but me and Mumsy had thankfully got their veg and trimmings. I say thankfully because at this point Mumsy was pouring CocaCola into glasses (none of us are big drinkers now and no-one but me likes wine so we didn't have any) and instead of putting her hands at either end of the 2 litre bottle she was holding it in the middle with both hands. As she tipped it to fill a glass the middle of the bottle collapsed and the table was covered with CocaCola along with the front of Gordy's shirt! I expected Mount Versuvius to go up and I was straining to hold in the laughter so turned my back on the table and pretended to be wrapping the turkey and pork joint back up in foil. I then calmly turned round and took the serving bowls in turn to the sink to drain off the Coke. My plate was swimming in the stuff and I drained it off, mopped the plate with kitchen role and just plonked some of the Coke soaked mash, roasties and veg onto my plate, smothering it all with gravy. Bet none of you had Christmas Dinner with Coca Cola Jus!!!!!!! (And I'm laughing again as I write this!)
In the end we did have a lovely day but Gordy was exhausted by tea-time so Alex and Danny left to visit her Mam and Stepfather. I then went over the road to my Sister-in-Law's for the annual Christmas Night party and got royally drunk!!!!!
The rest of the festivities were a fairly quiet affair and none of us did New Year's Eve as we know this year is not going to be a particularly good one.
I have continued to be busy with cakey stuff - I actually did 15 christmas cakes and since the beginning of the year have made 7 further celebration cakes. I am in the middle of making a 'climbing wall' cake this week.
Gordy has unfortunately had some very bad news this week and we are all once again coming to terms with the awful truth that we are going to lose him. The chemo that he was on I think gave us all false hope and after undergoing a scan the results have shown that the chemo is not working anymore and the cancer is growing at an alarming rate. His oncologist has decided to try a different form of chemotherapy which will start next week and will be taken orally as this will work better than being given intravenously apparently. But even if it does work they have told him that he has a couple of months at best.
Thankfully me and Gordy are back on track again and he bought me a new coffee mug the other day which says "Keep Calm and Bake a Cake"!!!! Well baking and creating my cakes does help as with the decorating and modelling I have to concentrate so much I forget the horrible place we are in for a few hours. But that damn brick on my chest seems to be getting heavier by the day.
Much love,
Nin xxxxx
