Oh no! I wake up crying and really hate myself for doing this because I never seem to be able to lift my mood when I do. So I lay there wallowing in the unfairness of it all and the dog licks away my tears. I would like to think it's because he knows I am miserable and upset but the reality is the poor little thing is absolutely busting for a pee and probably a poo and I realise I must get my fat ass into the shower and get on with the day.
Shower done, hair dried, throw the clothes on and off Rocky and me go for our morning constitutional down to Mumsy's!
Mam's neighbour Kenny is clearing the leaves from his garden and greets me with "Good morning Christine, how are you?"
"I'm fine", I reply but I want to scream at him that I'm not OK and my world is crashing down around my ears. And then he asks, "How's Gordy?"
"Well how do you think he is you bloody numpty", I think to myself but again I answer "He's fine". But he's not fine - he's dying! And then poor Kenny askes, "How's your Mam doing?"
"She's falling apart but pretends she's coping", I think to myself but again I answer, "She's fine".
I know people ask out of kindness and because they care but there are times when I just want to scream at them. I never do because I know how difficult it is to even pluck up the courage to speak to us. Some people can't and I've seen people avoid us in the local supermarket because they just don't know what to say. Having said that I've avoided people in the local supermarket because I haven't wanted to talk to anyone. I've got to the stage where I go late at night in the hope that I don't bump into someone I know. How sad am I?
Mumsy is in the bath and Gordy is still in bed so I feed Rocky and we take our leave as I have more fruit cakes to get baked.
Off we walk back to mine. It's a bit of a blustery day which kind of blows the cobwebs away.
Cakes are now baking and the comforting smell of baking fruit cake is slowly wafting around my little flat.
Time to strip the bed I think.
Have a nice day everyone and I hope the PTBs smile on you all today.
Much love,
Chrissie xxxxx
