Hi everyone. Hope you are all as well as you can be and that life is being good to you.
Our Gordy has cancer tumours in his liver as big as my fist and is in a lot of pain, although he is still up and about. He wants to go to Dubai next month to see our niece Tia who will be visiting my brother Paul with her mother (they live in the Phillipines). He went to the hospital to get a form filled in to confirm the drugs he has to take and also saw his consultant. The news is not good. They don't think the new chemo is working but will give it another go next week. If it has no effect they will try another one but have basically told him there is very little hope.
He is spending most of his time visiting his friends or with his daughter and grandson but he is so exhausted and both Mumsy and me want him to take a few days rest but he will not do it. This results in him being exceptionally tired when he is at home and boy do me and Mumsy get it in the neck. It's like he wants to give everyone else lovely memories but doesn't give a shit about the memories he is leaving us with. I know that sounds really selfish and perhaps it is. I don't want to remember my brother as a bad tempered, nasty viscious man but that's all we seem to get now. He even kicked the pooch yesterday because he was in the way. The poor little thing is 10 years old and blind! Mumsy didn't speak to him for the rest of the day! As she says, we know why he is in a foul mood - he's dieing - but the dog doesn't understand.
I'm back to the crying at inopportune moments, waking up at all hours and generally not being much good to anyone.
This is so cruel. His head is so screwed up with all this. It would have better if he had died quickly of a heart attack like our Dad rather than go through this torture.
Sorry that this blog entry is so down but that's how I'm feeling and I can't seem to lift the mood. Hope the next one is better.
Much love and squidgy hugs,
Nin xxxx
