So deep in Denial i'm swimming

It certainly is a heartbreaking situatuion you all find yourself in Diasy. It's a similar one that I had to face last year and we lost my dad to this shitty disease and it's that same situation that many on here have had to face.

Face it you will and get through it you will because there's no running away!!!!

I wish you much strength and resillience over these next fews weeks and beyond.

Take care

Jan xx

Dear Daisy,

it is an awful situation that you and all your family are in. You will know by now that unfortunately it isn't at all unusual. You WILL get through the days as Jan says, simply because you must. There is no choice. Now is the time when you have to grit your teeth and concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. The outside world and work and ordinary things lose their meaning. Your world reduces to a man in a bed in a room, and you wait on a chair and you wait some more, and you can't make him better.

You will be exhausted, but you will go on. You will have to make yourself eat, because you need to be strong: for you father, your mother, your family and of course, for yourself. You are lucky (stupid word) in that you have siblings so you will be able to share this miserable experience, but also to share memories of good, happy times with your father, so that he will live on through his children. Your mother will need lots of support, but it doesn't all have to come from you, and I hope you can all take turns in supporting each other.

When someone you love is dying of cancer, and can't be at home, a hospice is an absolute Godsend. I really mean that. I have experienced two in different parts of the country (as a relative, not as a patient) and they somehow manage to lift that enormous burden you are carrying and share the load with you. Your father will receive excellent care there and they will do their uttermost to make sure he has the best possible quality of life in his last days. I hope you and your family will find reassurance from your hospice staff. Hospices are SO much better than hospitals because they have fewer patients who receive personal, individual care from people who are experts in caring for the terminally ill. I can't praise them highly enough (for the care my mother-in-law, and later, my father received, and for the care and attention they show to relatives).

I don't know about it getting 'easier': it's never easy, but you have already had the shock and the terror of the diagnosis and prognosis. If you have got to the stage where you know what the ending of the story will be and it cannot possibly be changed, I think we all have to accept the inevitable simply because there is nothing else to do. Hideous, hellish cancer can't be fought against once it has reached a certain stage. It's NOT fair, it's completely wrong, and it's just vile in every way. It has no soul, no compassion, and it doesn't care who it destroys. It can't take away memories and friendship and love though. That's where WE are stronger.

This site is wonderful: anything you need to express, at any time, will find someone who is willing to listen. I am so sorry you are having to go through this horrible experience at such a young age. I wish you and your family strength to get through this together. And I hope you always have someone to hold you tight. That's the best treatment for a broken heart.

love and hugs from minima x x x

Dear Daisy

My dad is in a hospice and we have been told that we could have a few days or weeks with him. I share your pain. Why do they take the good ones?

Minima thank you for your advice it has helped me also, I agree my local hospice is so gentle and caring.

Hugs

Selina

Oh Daisy *BIG HUGS* firstly please, please don't be mad at your dad, he is so very tired and he needs to sleep, he needs to go, it is his wish.  Prolonging this agony for him is also prolonging it for you, you won't feel blessed for an extra week(s) with him because he decided to 'fight a bit harder' to stay with you.  Of course he doesn't want to leave you, how could he, you're his family, his whole life, one of this is his choice....

I would say you are at the worst time, it is agony for you, heartbreaking, watching your dad, your strong dad die is such an awful time, they are so frail and so ill and it is just simply awful.  But once your dad has passed he will be at peace and although you will feel like your heart has been ripped out, you too will feel a sense of peace that he is no longer suffering, he is not in pain and he is at peace.  He doesn't deserve this, you don't deserve this, it is all just too cruel for words.

I lost my dad 6 months ago.  It is so hard to watch them deteriorate.  To hear those words and he is dying and it will be quick.  To witness him go, it is all so hard to take but I honestly still feel a huge sense of peace that he is safe now.  We no longer fear the cancer, the appointments, any decisions on treatments, the oncologist cannot hurt us anymore.  Dad is free and he is at peace.

I hope the hospice treat him well, it may help to read the 'end of life' section on here as it is so true and it will give you some comfort.  He is in good hands and the end of his journey will be smooth and painfree and he will just fall asleep, they will make sure of that.

My thoughts are with you xx