Well hello again,
Seems that blogging seemed to help because i'm back at it.
Cancer is such a roller coaster ride, yesterday and this morning i was preparing for my dad to have a few weeks left with us.
This afternoon it has gone back up to a few months. The MRI scan this morning showed no cancer on his spine, however there is cancer in his hips which is why he is struggling to walk. I don't know if that was good news or bad news.
The doctor's have said that he will have targeted radiotherapy on his hips to ease the pain and hopefully get rid of the tumors there and possible some more radiotherapy on his shoulders too. They are also going to give him some medication to take that will hopefully slow down the growth i assume.
Last night was the worst night ever, my mum and sister and me crammed into mum and dad's double bed. Mum kept waking up every hour crying with nightmares. I then had nightmares about my sister crying and breaking down. So at 4am, me and mum gave up trying to sleep. So i am shattered, i have cried a lot on and off all day.
I've been with my Girlfriend today, and literally broke down when i saw her, she held me so tight.. I cried so much I couldn't breathe, my head was just screaming out. I feel a bit on edge, i feel totally out of it. I managed to lock myself out of the house without my car keys or my house keys. No neighbours have any spares either.
Any who, dad is now home he has some sort of device that injects pain relief throughout the day. He seemed so happy and well when i spoke to him, to me it seems like a cure, that this is the end of it., no more pain. But Dad reminded me that today doesn't change anything he is still going to die. Just not yet, I think that was the bit killing me, it had come so soon and out of the blue.
I don't think i should feel as relieved as i do, i feel happy and i know i shouldn't because right now it feels as if i have my dad back forever, but i don't i and i don't understand that.
It just means i have to go through all of this again i guess.
Another ramble, but it does feel better, it really does.
Thanks for reading.
Much love to you all and thank you for the support from the last post it meant a lot. I read them out to my mum and she was crying at the love strangers have for us. So thank you again and big hugs and lots of love to you all
xx
