12 days into the treatment....mum is still sleeping a lot, but we have got into a better routine now, trying to keep her awake in the afternoons, her appetite seems to be picking up and it seems to help when she hears other people tell her that its a good way to kill the cancer by eating and drinking. She has even found a new love for raw broccoli (with a nice tasty ranch dip!) and I'm not stopping her!
Mum is immobile at the moment, some days are better than others, but the loss of energy and strength has been a big shock to us all, is it all of the tablets she is on? Is it the chemo? Is it the tumor? Or is it a combination of all of them. I've never had to care for someone before so bathing her, dressing her, feeding her is all new to me, and my patience is surprising me :)
Many people come to visit, some of them help a little round the house, but I sometimes feel jealous, as if they are getting to see the best of her, mum really perks up when people come round (still trying to be the best host that she always has been), they come and sit with her and have a good chat, my mum tells them she's fine, and then they leave and my mum is completely whacked out and has no energy or strength to move so we have to carry her into bed. No one else sees that. I do get many good times still with my mum and I do treasure them, but I guess sometimes the pressure of seeing her at her worst when no one else does, gets me down.
I feel sorry for my mum too, as she is convinced she can still do a lot of things, and gets quite stubborn at times, but I can see that she cant do these things so I have to be the 'bad guy' and stop her...even simple tasks like making a phone call, because her hands are so shaky she ends up pressing the wrong name or wrong number :(
Had a review of her treatment today, I was shocked by the doctor...its almost like they have no idea about brain tumors...she seemed confused that mum is a little confused (but isn't that one of the main symptoms)!! She wanted to double her dosage of steroids (she's already on a high dose, and there has been no change, probably a little improvement since my last post), I said no, from the research I have done they are doing there job at the moment, and doubling the dose might take away some of the side effects (like fatigue) but they could make her muscles weaker than they already are, so why increase them before we need to if they can make you worse!!!
Sometimes its hard to have faith in doctors, knowing you are putting so much trust into them to look after the people closest to you, and then the doctors ask stupid questions....I know they are still human, but this is my mums life in their hands.
