A BROKEN HEART

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

12 Jan 2011

My beautiful brave pop lost his fight against cancer tonight and died at 8.30. Sadly he got very distressed and had to go into hospital which i didnt want but had no choice.

I spent all day with him and it was soooo horrible to see him as distressed as he was and me so helpless to do anything. At half seven i felt the need again to tell pop that i loved him more than the world and that hes been the best pop anyone could ask for, he wiped away my tears and said thankyou for everything and i love you. Pop asked me to leave at 7.40 on the promise that i would return in the morning so i agreed. I asked the nurse to ring me if he wants me and said i would be back soon in the morning. I got a call at 8.30 to say he had gone.

I cant get over how quick it was and really unexpected although we knew it wouldnt be long i just didnt think it was going to be that quick. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces and although i know he isnt suffering now i just wanted to be with him to the end but someone had other ideas and i feel so guilty. So what do i do now, i feel as though my right arm has been cut off. Ive never felt as bad as this before and have a physical pain as if my heart is actually breaking.

Life can be so cruel at times but im glad my pop knew how much he meant to me and that i wouldnt be where i am today if it wasnt for him. He was a true gentleman and never complained about his cancer and fought it so bravely. I just wish i was as brave because right now i dont have the fight or the strength to get through this.

I LOVE YOU POP ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL AND THERES A PLACE IN MY HEART WHERE ILL KEEP YOU FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL THE DAY WE MEET AGAIN.

FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hello Nichola

So sorry to hear your news ,your Pops couldn't have anyone love him more than you,he was very lucky thave someone love and care for him so much.

My thoughts are with you and all your fmily.

love Marianne.x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Nicola,

My condolences to you and your family,

I can only echo what the others have already said - know words will not help right now - but still need to say : You were brilliant in you love and care of 'Pops' and the best thing was you know he thought the same !

Do not feel guilt or be too hard on yourself please - when you feel ready remember your friends are here to both listen and understand - but go at your pace.

Love and Hugs

John x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Dear Nic

I am so sorry to hear your news - it is obvious from your posts just how much you and your pop loved each other.

With regard to pop asking you to leave when he did - lots of us who have lost loved ones have had a similar experience. It is almost as though they wish to spare us the final moments; they say whatever they wish to say, and I truly believe that they know that their time has come. My husband battled all night with all the family around him; even though he was in a coma, he waited until just our youngest daughter and I were with him, sitting quietly, before he left us.

Stay strong, and remember that pop will live in your heart for ever; I am sure that in the weeks and months to come, you will remember the good times that you shared.

Sue xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

I am so very sorry for your loss xxx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

I'm so sorry honey.

Sometimes when people are dying they want to spare their loved ones any further pain (as I think someone else has commented). You had a beautiful moment, you said what you needed to say and he said it back by wiping away your tears. It was a lovely moment to end that phase of your relationship on. Now you move on to the next one - grieving for him and remembering him. He will always be with you - in your heart just as you will always be in his.

Your Pop has said goodbye for now but in time the good memories you have of him will outweigh your sadness. Keep going.xx
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