My beautiful brave pop lost his fight against cancer tonight and died at 8.30. Sadly he got very distressed and had to go into hospital which i didnt want but had no choice.
I spent all day with him and it was soooo horrible to see him as distressed as he was and me so helpless to do anything. At half seven i felt the need again to tell pop that i loved him more than the world and that hes been the best pop anyone could ask for, he wiped away my tears and said thankyou for everything and i love you. Pop asked me to leave at 7.40 on the promise that i would return in the morning so i agreed. I asked the nurse to ring me if he wants me and said i would be back soon in the morning. I got a call at 8.30 to say he had gone.
I cant get over how quick it was and really unexpected although we knew it wouldnt be long i just didnt think it was going to be that quick. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces and although i know he isnt suffering now i just wanted to be with him to the end but someone had other ideas and i feel so guilty. So what do i do now, i feel as though my right arm has been cut off. Ive never felt as bad as this before and have a physical pain as if my heart is actually breaking.
Life can be so cruel at times but im glad my pop knew how much he meant to me and that i wouldnt be where i am today if it wasnt for him. He was a true gentleman and never complained about his cancer and fought it so bravely. I just wish i was as brave because right now i dont have the fight or the strength to get through this.
I LOVE YOU POP ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL AND THERES A PLACE IN MY HEART WHERE ILL KEEP YOU FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL THE DAY WE MEET AGAIN.
