Blimey, it makes such a difference when the sun is shining. Life seems just that bit easier, washing gets dried, puppys can run in and out and children are happy just to sit and chat and Alan can bask outside on the lounger.
Today Alan looks a bit better, he is looking healthier and is pottering around a bit more.
Today i feel ok. Im not too anxious, my appetite is enormous and i have managed to get some 'normal' things done.
Ive been thinking about how 'normal' it feels sometimes , just fleetingly, before i return back to the horror movie we are living in.
Ive been hoping that there will be more of these 'ok' days to come
Ive been missing music, i try to listen to loud music as much as possible when i can , it makes me feel so much better, it's just lately people either hate the noise or the puppy is around or i need to hear if someone is calling or ringing me..
Ive been wishing that i was one of these highly organised individuals who seem to put lids on things and know exactly where to find stuff they have put down. I do like lists, but then i lose the lists :/
Ive been hiding, hiding feelings, hiding from the thought of telling the children that their Dad will die from this nasty disease, hiding the fact that i was scared of giving Alan the DVT injections. ( but hell yes im doing them!)
Ive been afraid, of making certain phone calls, of meeting people accidently who dont yet know, afraid that someone will call at the wrong moment. Afraid of thinking too far ahead.
Ive been amazed at how many people there are, who are out there who care.
Ive been thankful, thankful for more time, thankful for the energy to get up and on with it, thankful for my beautiful family and for friends too. Thankful for this site and the wonderful people i have met on here :)
x x
