I have not been on here for so long, but need to write my thoughts down. I shall probably waffle on, my darling husband is so ill now and I am losing him. Feel so bloody angry, helpless, sad it really seems to be sinking in now. What will we do without him, cannot not imagine my life or my childrens lives without him. Our son Charlie, such a fantastic runner, Bobbie was his coach, he is letting it all go cannot focus at all without his Dad at his side, he is 17 yrs and become Essex 200m champ with his Dads coaching and help. Then there is Tommy loves his football wanted to follow his Dad into the same profession, footballer but he did not play this season because he says his Dad is not there on the sidelines to cheer him on. God I could ramble on about all the things he will not be there for with all our children, but the others are older and have had his support and they all now have their partners to help them along as well as me. Would not wish this on anybody watching your loved one dying slowly in front of you. The pancreatic cancer has returned, after all he went through, that long horrible op and he seemed to be on the way back up and fighting fit, but this dreaded disease has returned, he is on a syringe driver with so much painkillers pumping in each day, he is so confused and frightened, he is not the Bobbie I used to know, I feel like I am caring for a complete stranger at times. but I do my best and I shall help him through and through right til the bitter end. I cannot sleep day or night because I keep watching him to see if he is breathing, Feel so lost if only I could swap places, he just does not deserve what he is going through, he has been such a kind, funny man everybody who met him loved him so much and he gave so much love back. Never was there a dull day with him around. He is my soulmate and I am losing him..............
So sorry to go on , feeling so sorry for myself when there are so many of you out there going through the same things.
